Thursday, March 29, 2001

And who said Charlie was bad for You?

COKE:

1. In many states, the highway patrol carries two gallons of Coke in
the truck to remove blood from the highway after a car accident.
2. You can put a T-bone steak in a bowl of coke and it will be gone
in two days.
3. To clean a toilet: Pour a can of Coca-Cola into the toilet bowl
and let the "real thing" sit for one hour, then flush clean. The
citric acid in Coke removes stains from vitreous china.
4. To remove rust spots from chrome car bumpers: Rub the bumper
with a crumpled-up piece of Reynolds Wrap aluminum foil dipped in
Coca-Cola.
5. To clean corrosion from car battery terminals: Pour a can of
Coca-Cola over the terminals to bubble away the corrosion.
6. To loosen a rusted bolt: Applying a cloth soaked in Coca-Cola to
the rusted bolt for several minutes.
7. To bake a moist ham: Empty a can of Coca-Cola into the baking
pan, wrap the ham in aluminum foil, and bake. Thirty minutes
before the ham is finished, remove the foil, allowing the
drippings to mix with the Coke or a sumptuous brown gravy.
8. To remove grease from clothes: Empty a can of coke into a load
of greasy clothes, add detergent, and run through a regular cycle.
The Coca-Cola will help loosen grease stains. It will also clean
road haze from your windshield.

FYI:

1. The active ingredient in Coke is phosphoric acid. Its Ph is 2.8.
It will dissolve a nail in about 4 days.
2. To carry Coca-Cola syrup (the concentrate) the commercial truck
must use the Hazardous Material place cards reserved for highly
corrosive materials.
3. I'm told that the distributors of Coke have been using it to
clean the engines of their trucks for about 20 years!

After reading all these observations, I guess it's time we switched
to water!!!
A FEW WORDS FROM STEVEN WRIGHT MY FAVORITE COMEDIAN

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of
payments.

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

Half the people you know are below average.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked
something.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

I intend to live forever - so far, so good.

Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case...coincidence?

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

If at first you don't succeed,destroy all evidence that you tried.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for
you.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required to be
on it.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
bread.

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
I have mastered the art of looking busy while checking my e-mail and reading blogs...

So much has happened on the work front, I have changed managers. I am now working under a 26 year old cutie (the joys of the IT world), He is a great Guy and quite mature for his age, bless...makes me want to get my breast out for him.

A whole load of staff have left or been booted out, the annual shake up, I have survived thankfully and will fight on for another year.

The fun thing about the tube strike is that the whole office has been planning to get home all day, I have decided to stroll down to Victoria and hop on the overland to Balham (gateway to the south) and the place I call home. SORTED!!
What is Globalization?

An English princess (Princess Diana) with an Egyptian boyfriend, who uses
a Swedish mobile telephone, crashes in a French tunnel in a German car with
a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian driver, who was high on Scotch, followed
closely by an Italian Paparazzi, on a Japanese motorcycle, treated by an
American doctor, assisted by Filipino para-medical staff, using Brazilian
medicines, dies!

This is what is called GLOBALIZATION
Beware of playing April Fool jokes...

Defence Attorney: What is your age?
Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defence Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words,what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, swinging there on my swing on my front porch
on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch
and sat down beside me.
Defence Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly..
Defence Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
Little Old Woman: He took his penis out of his trousers and started to rub my thigh.
Defence Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defence Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defence Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts..
Defence Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defence Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, my Lord, his rubbing made me feel all alive and
excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defence Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so horny that I just spread my old
legs and said to him, "Take me young man and fuck me!"
Defence Attorney: Did he "fuck" you?
Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, "April Fool!" And
that's when I shot the Son of a Bitch!
Something to make the computer boys SMILE
I am back in stunning London!!! And not a moment to soon, I was getting to enjoy the lifestyle and weather a little to much in South Africa and spent yesterday, as
penance, actually doing my own (small load) and Wayne the boyfriends (vast amount) of washing. As You may know, as privileged white South Africans, we never needed lessons in how to use of the thing with the small round window usually found in the kitchen. There is something very humbling about laundry.

I went up to Johannesburg after leaving Natal and visited all the old friends, spend the weekend out on the town at Purple Fly on Friday and Therapy on Saturday with regular visits to a place called CMan (very seedy) in between. They are all next to one another and the street has a festive Soho type of feel. Drinks are dirt cheap, 6 shooters for £3 and beer 70p a bottle. I hardly recognised anyone from when I lived there, they probably all immigrated as well

Tube Strike!! On the day I go back to work!! HELLO NOT FAIR.....actually, I strolled from Victoria to Soho Square this morning, through Green Park and it was fabulous. Everyone seems pleased to see Me at work and everyone is still treading lightly in case I am fragile. I am trying to make the most of it while it lasts.

This weekend is a weekend of birthday's, My mate (boss) George is celebrating on Friday, at Popstars. I haven't been before so please send and comments about what to expect to tattlad@hotmail.com.

Hope is having a birthday on Saturday, great excuse to get ratarsed, and I will be meeting up with Karl, Michael and the gang beforehand. I hope to see some of the happy bloggers there too.

And most important is the fabulous and most sexy Dave Boyes who turns 21 again on Sunday. The tavern will indeed rock this weekend.Thank God its payday.

Thanks for the good wishes Michael, I am in New York in July, We must get together for a drink.

Anyway, gotta get some work done now.