Friday, April 06, 2001

I am very angry, I got a dreadful e-mail this morning saying that one of my good mates had been killed in a hit and run accident last night, I was very upset by this indeed and Wayne even more so, anyway, Terry, the guy in question, called Wayne this afternoon, some bastard has got hold of his e-mail list and had played the lowest of practical jokes. So I must say I am so relieved that Terry is OK but hope the cunt who ruined my day rots in hell
Grantartica (n.)

The cold, isolated place where art companies dwell without funding.

A 28 year old Korean employed by the Xerox Corporation decided it would be hilarious if he digitally scanned his penis and distributed to the entire
corporation. The small Korean had just finished up festivities at the local bar and was quite intoxicated. Xerox had recently ordered 23 shredding devices
in an attempt to reduce/recycle the amount of paper that they use.The unsuspecting Korean pulled down his trousers, and drunkenly
hoisted himself onto what he thought was a copier. Thinking he was pressing the scan button on a copier, he hit the shred button. He was found with his
scrotum stuck between blades the next morning, and had died from the loss of blood.

And to think, we have clubs in London dedicated to the above (cock and ball torture)
Dilemma!! I have been offered some personal time off from work, but what to do, I admit I still feel a bit shaky after the recent events in my life, but don’t know if it warrants me sitting at home, weaving baskets and drinking vanilla tea. I have to ‘have a nice chat’ to the human resources lady today when I have decided what I want. I think that in the London ‘dog eat dog’ work environment, I would be a fool to take a week or so, but it would be so nice to chill and do all the things I have been putting off for a while. Oh! What to do???

I got the infamous leaked ‘Who Shot Phil’ e-mail that The Metro reported on. It arrived this morning, at least 12 hours late, oh! the disappointment.

Thursday, April 05, 2001

I will always be mortally embarrassed about the first single I ever purchased,
“Rhinestone Cowboy” by Glenn Cambell. You see
Ian, not only does it date me along with the dinosaurs, but it was my first run in with the good taste police.
I try to stay off of telephones as much as possible as I am a classic phoneaphobe. This new device would be for those people who walk down Oxford Street screaming at themselve’s for no apparent reason, until on closer inspection, you realise they are using a mobile hands free kit. (or as I call them, a “let me look like an absolute twat in public” kit)
Foreploy (n.)

Any misrepresentation or outright lie about yourself that leads to sex.

Didn't make it to Michael's birthday drinks coz I didn't feel up to it after I got home last night. I had yet another early night and if I am not careful I may start looking healthy and rested. Not much happening today, going home early, got a doctors appointment.

Wednesday, April 04, 2001

This goes with Z of the RVT

Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed.

Hence faunacatering (v.), which has made a meal of many species.(haven't we all)
:Caterpallor (n.)

The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
I have just popped out of the office to get some lunch and found myself at Red Veg for the third time this week, The chilli cheese veggie burger is great and they make the best fries in town, If you work in the Soho area, try them. I am not a veggie by any stretch of the imagination, but I love the food and the service and especially the price.

I am off to Compton’s tonight, scroll this link to the right, very cool , its Michael Malta’s birthday, He assures us he is still young enough to get fucked but old enough not to give a fuck. (the joy of being over 30).

Congratulations on a fantastic A-Z of the RVT, David. Z was great.
Many thanks for the technical advise David, take note of the custom template, there is no stopping me now
Here’s a site that will teach us all to be very careful what we say on somebody else’s answering machine. Take the time to check it out.
Extraterrestaurant (n.)

An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented upon. Also known as an E-T-ry.

Tuesday, April 03, 2001

I am waiting with bated breath for Z of the Vauxhall Tavern, If anyone can do it, David, you can. Why don’t you start from A again after tomorrow!!!
I have just visited an ex client, the lovely IT dept at Bloomsbury Publishing, We built a web site for them and I thought all You clever bookie types would like it. Don't look at the awful design though, It wasn't us, just marvel at the speed of the search and the general ease of use.
Dopelar effect (n.)
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly.

How do you come at something rapidly???
Those of you who read my ramblings will notice that I am posting an awful amount of blog entries at the moment, due to the fact that I am so
bored at work, I need to be busy all day long and need a constant challenge, right now, I am compiling documentation for a system I built for a financial institution, drawing little flow diagrams in Visio and its driving me mental. Oh! how I long for the bright lights of Guatemala City!
This one for Dave, I hope this doesn't happen to You

Cashtration (n.)
The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
Bozone (n.)
The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
Here goes David
I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been….

To Asia

For Plastic Surgery

Happy about not winning the lottery

Good at unnecessary chit chat

Into Garage music

Back to Heaven (shudder)

Completely Debt Free

Monday, April 02, 2001

I feel very much in love, I’ve been with Wayne for 8 years now and sometimes its easy to take him for granted. Then all of a sudden He will turn around and surprise me with his sensitivity and kindness, and I see the boy I fell head over hills for all those years ago in Johannesburg. I have always sat on the dividing fence in the “Yes , It is better to be involved” verses “No, live a single life and you will always have money and half the washing” argument. Today, I am quite happy that I fall into the former camp, How mushy am I !!
My office overlooks Soho Square, and today, the sun is shining, and the square is littered with bodies, all preparing themselves for summer, of course in the gay corner everyone is already buffed and tanned (because we are not afraid of the sun bed and always have time to go to the Gym for hours). Summer in London is the best of the best, and I cannot wait for summer Vauxhall Taverning on the grassy knoll, getting minkered and checking everyone’s wobbley bits out as they present themselves to us all while peeing on the back wall (boys will be boys, gotta love 'em). Which reminds me, where did I put that gym membership card, I better tone up.
Beelzebug (n.)

Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at 3 in the morning and cannot be cast out.

Arachnoleptic fit (n.)
The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

What a weekend it turned out to be, London lived up to its reputation as the party town of note.
It all kicked off on Friday night and My much dreaded visit to Popstars (North of the River!!!) Now I don't travel north of the river if I can help it for socialising, I consider myself a true South Londoner and besides, I don't understand the North London boys
fancy ways, but I was pleasantly surprised, besides the music, the boys and the venue, it was an OK evening. Wayne and I got chatting to a quite cute Spaniard who we promised to shag if he came to Hope on Saturday (what
slag’s we are). Decided to visit the Pleasuredome on the way home, as usual this was a grave mistake as the place was full of Star Wars Alien extras (still in costume).

Woke up late on Saturday, and rushed around, buffing up for Hope, dressed, met Noel the mad Irishman at McDonalds where I dined on Chicken Nuggets (all I could cope with) and cabbed over to Karl’s for pre Hope drinks. Included guests were Andy and Alan, Karl’s Chiswick mates who are both very
cute indeed. Much flirting took place. We headed up to Hope at 23h30 and threw ourselves into a fantastic evening of excess. Everyone was there, everyone was fabulous and everyone was as fragile as hell the next morning. We ended up chilling out at Chariots in Streatham with John, Danny, Roysten and a few others. Oh, the Spanish boy did turn up, told us he didn’t like druggie places and fucked off, He wasn’t that cute after all.

After trying to fool myself that I had had enough sleep, Approx 13 minutes, and missing Dave’s birthday drinks at Manto’s (sorry Uncle Hedgie) It was time for the Vauxhall, Oh the pain, Edna was not on form, In fact, she was not on this planet, the crowd seemed sluggish, the music didn’t lift me as it usually does and I left early, London had beaten me, so I headed to bed.

Hope your birthday weekend was the best ever Uncle Hedgehog

Love You madly xxx