Rob in London

2002-03-28T17:11:00.000Z

Well Easter is upon us, may all your Cadburys eggs be creamy.

We have a bit of a weekend ahead, if you are at Love Muscle, Trade or the RVT expect to see me in various states of disrepair.

See you all on the playing field…

2002-03-22T08:55:00.000Z

I am officially in love with a known drug user. Who else thinks that Alain Baxter is the sweetest man on earth right now?

2002-03-21T16:06:00.000Z

Ho Hum I am bored…….

It’s that waiting for the new job to start, getting the old jobs loose ends tied up type of bored. And I hate it.

I have also had a pretty violent tearful Tuesday and weepy Wednesday, but that is of my own doing so can’t allow you all to feel sorry for me.

Exciting things that have happened this week so far…

My current boss Martin, of Andrew Martin commented “My God Rob, you are getting so thin, turn sideways and you would disappear.” Well the gym is working it would seem.

A real DJ and decks at the Gym last night, for a 3 hour set. I was well impressed. Only at Soho Clapham on a Wednesday though, can we please have Sean Sirrs next week.

Most of you who I have on my e-mail string have received the S.L.A.G.S Quilting Bee Spring Outing news. Yes we are off to see Taboo on Wednesday 10th (damn I will miss the DJ at Gym), my mate Sam has got us tickets for £17.50. From the Blogs, only Scally is coming so far. Come on boys.

Rite more before the weekend then…

2002-03-20T09:22:00.000Z

Amusing e-mail recieved this morning...

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone "brother"

2. He liked Gospel

3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Fathers business.

2. He lived at home until he was 33.

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was
God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with his hands.

2. He had wine with every meal.

3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a
Californian:

1. He never cut his hair.

2. He walked around barefoot all the time.

3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a
woman:

1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just
didn't
get it.

3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work
for Him to do.

Amen!!!

2002-03-18T16:40:00.000Z

The weekend that was:

Friday was a quiet one, work, gym, home, bed. But with good cause because I was working on Saturday. I am one of the sicko’s that love working on a Saturday, coz it isn’t every week and always quite a social event. After work, I went home and we had a light dinner and prepared for Hope. The last few Hopes have been amazing and this one didn’t disappoint. We arrived really early to hear our mate Graham’s warm up set, it was wonderful.

We were joined by Karl and New Beau, Fireman Craig and Pete, Matthew, Richard, Andy and Alex. Also Tighe and Graham, John, Adam, Little John, The RVT’s rising singing star, Simon and Ross. It was a stonking evening and as usual we decided that it shouldn’t end there, so all rushed back to Little John’s for a chill-out, From there it was over to Adams for chill out part two and before I knew it, it was RVT time. Time flies when you hit the old cooking sherry.

Well, we couldn’t miss Marc Andrews just because we had had no sleep. Unfortunately, even though his tunes were funky, his mixing skills have gone to pot and I was quite pleased when Sean Sirrs took over. The usual crowd were in the house and the bloggers I remember are Ian, David and Marcus. Sorry to anyone else but I was not of sane mind. I was in luck though, my favourite “Prom King” Mike was on hand to support me and keep me upright(?) on the dance floor. Because he is such a big boy, nobody squeezes past him because they are scared of him and so I had an evening free of annoying people.

It all finally got to much at 11pm and we headed home, I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Feel like shit today, but it was all worth it.

2002-03-16T09:51:00.000Z

I have just read the QX and with great interest, the article about the Gay Film Festival. There is a movie about a legendry SA trannie called Granny Lee, or if you are from my generation, Mother Lee as we called her.

I first met her on my first trip to a gay venue and thought I should share the story with you…

I was in the army and had come to terms with my sexuality, all the gay boys in my platoon had taken pass at the same time and we headed up to Johannesburg (the BIG city), and I was to go to Decadance, which was the height of Gay clubbing at the time.

I remember standing in the queue in our finest 80’s new romantic outfits(oh! The shame), shitting myself coz I had no ides what to expect, did big scary older boys throw you over tables and have their way with you as an initiation? (whoops, that’s every Saturday night in London)

There was a commotion behind me and when I looked up, I was face to face with the scariest thing I had ever seen, about 100 years old, grey hair and wearing a black bin liner with holes cut out for arms, a white spangled belt, a HUGE Ascot type hat and with an entourage of very nice looking lads was Mother Lee, who said, “come with me darlink, I want to wank you off with my bum” before sweeping past me and bitching the doorman and anyone else in authority, disappeared into the club. I almost ran a mile, found a nice wife and settled down.

A very sad image that stays with me is later that night seeing Mother Lee, collapsed and crumpled in a corner, basically an old drunk.

Still! She was glamorous and part of my early gay life and I love the fact that a movie has been made to commemorate hers.

2002-03-12T16:29:00.000Z

Big SORRY to Scally, I was in mid “brain dead” stage at the Vauxhall on Sunday when you said Hi. I am booking myself into Betty Ford right now, I won’t draw a blank again.

2002-03-11T13:45:00.000Z

The weekend in a nutshell:

We started off downstairs at the Freedom Bar on Friday night for Tony’s birthday. It was a mix of DTPM, Hoist and Vauxhall boys and Little Rob played a mean set that got everybody leaping around. Wayne and I decided that the party had just begun and headed off to Sub Station South for afters. I can never figure out why I bother at Sub Station South except to have a laugh with Ggreg at the bar. I can honestly say that, besides the Venue, People and Music, it would have been a good evening.

On Saturday the “prom kings” (called this as the first time we saw them at the Vauxhall and it has stuck) came over for a bit of boyish fun. It is always a pleasure to see them.

Sunday and we dragged ourselves up to the RVT and it was packed and quite frankly awful. The whole blogging world was in attendance as well as the two Rob’s, Mike & Damon (the prom kings) Mike and Nick, Darryl, fresh from his trip to visit our long lost “Hedgehog” Dave. He had a breath Freshener spray that he was spraying into everybody’s mouth, and it was most unpleasant, Karl (who informs me I need to buy a hat coz he is heading down the isle again it would seem) Michael Malta, Andy and the beautiful Claire, Fireman Craig (phoarr) and Pete, Martin and Chris (fresh from Cape Town) Adam and for a while Tony who was nursing a broken heart. I am afraid I got very messy quite early and was put in a corner so that I didn’t fall into people and spill their drinks. The damn bar staff, I order low alcohol cider and they always spike it. Still as Edna says, for £ 3.50 an hour, what do you expect.

I resigned this morning, before being able to focus on objects, I thought it was better that way. Everybody is really happy for me, but I don’t care today, I need my bed and a headache tablet. One positive thing about the new job “Mondays off when I need them”

2002-03-07T16:35:00.000Z

Robbie Pie Hands

Yip that’s me, I am on the move again. I went through a series of interviews recently and yesterday was horrified, excited to find two job offers on my desk. I deliberated, chatted to Wayne and a few of my mates, made lists until they came out of my ears and have decided to rejoin my ex boss at Fired Earth in Chiswick with a twist. I am starting the Interior Design side of the business and have been made a 50% partner. Now 50% of nothing is still nothing but I have access to all the good (oh and rich) clients who are all begging him to give them this service.

So loads of hard work in the pipeline but hopefully it will mean success.

As far as the weekend goes, I am off to a party with my mates “The Little Rob’s” on Friday downstairs at the Freedom Bar. We are entertaining “The Prom Kings” for a round two Gaydar meet on Saturday (everybody tells me that it is never the same second time around) and Sunday, well I am at a loss….

Suggestions????

2002-02-28T16:58:00.000Z

Oh and my old boss called and want's me back, why is it always feast or famile in my life.

2002-02-28T16:54:00.000Z

We are off to see Monster Inc. tonight mainly because "us ladies wot go to the pictures once a week" are fed up with the angst of the last few oscar nominated movies. Also Dave is recovering from "a queen cold", you know the sort where you almost die and have multiple viruses and Adam is sulking coz the guy he manages didn't get the grammy he was nominated for. I think that an evening of popcorm tossing and coca-cola slurping will be the best medicine.

2002-02-28T16:48:00.000Z

Well after 3 years of continuous minkering and a small countries (Columbia) gross domestic product later I have finally made Boyz magazine. And about time too.

2002-02-28T16:47:00.000Z

My continued Star Watching:

Who should stroll past the shop today. Dustin Hoffman....and some tasty bit of crumpet (if you are into that sort of thing)

Beat that Jonno.

2002-02-27T16:54:00.000Z

Hello Fellow Bloggers

Well after a very stressful few weeks, I can do an entry, so here goes.

The weekend was fun, I had survived an internet ban at work and being told that I upset the warehouse staff and reduce them to tears and steamed ahead to

Friday, went to the gym, (damn it has to start paying off soon) and treated myself to a sun bed. On the way home I dropped and smashed (or so I had thought) my phone and stormed in and took it all out on Wayne, we were heading up toDukes to meet Aussie Dave and by the time we got there were not talking, all thanks to my phone. Anyway a few lagers later and we made up, had a good time with the lads and even had our photo taken for Boyz, lets see if they print it.

On Saturday I worked in the showroom and was very excited to serve Alan Parker (THE Alan Parker) I am such a star fucker.

The Fridge was on but we didn’t go, We had mates from a certain Gay Community Chat Area (OK Gaydar) coming over and I must admit, the visit was a lot more fun. We had branded these two Action Man and The Prom King at the Vauxhall years ago and a good time was had by all (for hours)

On Sunday, Action Man, Prom King, Wayne and I headed up to the RVT and saw all of you singing at the top of your voices. I was misty eyed, it was beautiful. Ditto for Evergreen, trashy and fab but my personal fave right now is “I think were alone now”. Tiffany was such a one hit wonder. We only stayed till midnight and resisted the pull to the LA3.

2002-02-27T08:52:00.000Z

Well, another week and I am having a better one you will all be pleased to hear. Went on a job interview, got invited to the second interview. Have had a load of rest, eating tons of fruit and being healthy in general. Will update on the "wicked" weekend as soon as time allows...

2002-02-27T08:48:00.000Z

These are from a book called 'Disorder in the Court'.
> > >
> > > These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
> down
> > > and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying
> > calm
> > > while these exchanges were actually taking place.
> > > Some of these are excellent - don't miss the last one.
> > >
> > > Q: Are you sexually active?
> > > A: No, I just lie there.
> > >
> > > Q: What is your date of birth?
> > > A: July fifteenth.
> > > Q: What year?
> > > A: Every year.
> > >
> > > Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> > > A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> > >
> > > Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> > > A: Yes.
> > > Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> > > A: I forget.
> > > Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
> > > forgotten?
> > >
> > > Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> > > A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> > > Q: How long has he lived with you?
> > > A: Forty-five years.
> > >
> > > Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
> that
> > > morning?
> > > A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> > > Q: And why did that upset you?
> > > A: My name is Susan.
> > >
> > > Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or
the
> > > occult?
> > > A: We both do.
> > > Q: Voodoo?
> > > A: We do.
> > > Q: You do?
> > > A: Yes, voodoo.
> > >
> > > Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
> > > he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> > >
> > > Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
> > >
> > > Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> > >
> > > Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> > > A: Yes.
> > > Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> > >
> > > Q: She had three children, right?
> > > A: Yes.
> > > Q: How many were boys?
> > > A: None.
> > > Q:Were there any girls?
> > >
> > > Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> > > A: By death.
> > > Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> > >
> > > Q: Can you describe the individual?
> > > A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> > > Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> > >
> > > Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice
> > > which I sent to your attorney?
> > > A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> > >
> > > Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> > > A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> > >
> > > Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> > > A: Oral.
> > >
> > > Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> > > A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> > > Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
> > > A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy.
> > >
> > > Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> > >
> > > Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: Did you check for breathing?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
> the
> > > autopsy?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> > > A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> > > Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> > > A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising
law
> > > somewhere.
> > >

2002-02-21T17:39:00.000Z

Oh "In The Bedroom" was the next Oscar nominated movie on our list and Adam, Wayne and I loved it, we agreed that Tom Wilkinson deserves the best actor nod. It is a beautifully shot, technically fine piece of work and well worth the £8.

2002-02-21T17:10:00.000Z

I have had the worst week you can imagine, got a bollocking for my excessive (Gaydar) internet use at work, bastards. Then was told that the warehouse staff all hate me because I am rude and can I address my attitude. Don’t they understand that I have RVT from Monday to Wednesday and should be “LEFT ALONE GODDAMIT”

2002-02-15T15:37:00.000Z

A rare but fabulous entry from me,

A weekend in the country:
Our mates Steve and Martin invited us out to the house they have on long loan for a quiet weekend cum Pop Idol Final party. We hopped onto the train after I finished work on Saturday and 45 minutes later we were surrounded by trees, birds and little bambi’s. Martin met us at the station and whisked us up to the house, it ids the first place that actually matches the dimensions of your average South African house but without the electric fences. We cheered for Will, ate far to much and rolled into bed at a respectable 1am.

On Sunday it was up and a brisk walk to the war memorial for the view. It was a very sad place, 22000 airmen, their names immortalised in stone, hardly any of them over 25 years old. Made me forget about being a sad old queen and appreciate my life.

We went to a quaint “olde English pubbe” for lunch, of which their was heaps for a fiver, and then into Windsor for a wonder round and more food.

Wayne and I were quite happy to climb aboard the train going home on Sunday afternoon with all good intention of rushing off to Neil, Earl of Compton’s party.
We hadn’t organised the regulation dress suit or military wear and nobody was answering texts about how many of the lads had dressed up so sorry Neil, we decided to give it a miss. As the train neared London, Wayne made a fab observation, “this train passes Vauxhall Station” Need I say more…

Photo’s of our weekend in the country.

2002-02-07T16:10:00.000Z

And the oscar for best movie goes to.....

"Gosforth Park"

No discussion, see it. it is fab.

Best performance, Emily Watson, she blew everyone else out of the water as far as I was concerned.

2002-02-06T16:34:00.000Z

I was off to the gym last night. It’s becoming a bit of a habit this going to the gym thing, if I am not careful, I will become desirable. I go to the “Soho Athletic” in Clapham otherwise known as the S.L.A.G.S during the week. So many Vauxhall boys.

I observed two grown men (chunky at that) giggling like schoolgirls and dashing in and out of the change rooms. It would seem that there was some demi-god in the shower which is conveniently situated opposite the loo’s and they must have had such bladder problems.

At last, exercise has become fun…

2002-02-06T16:28:00.000Z

The Oscar Movie Group is off to see Gosforth Park tonight, can’t wait. I will blog my opinion tomorrow. So will be in Comptons from 7:30 if anyone wants to join me for a pint.

2002-02-06T16:26:00.000Z

I forgot to tell you about my jacket hell on Saturday night at the Hoist. After a furious fumble for the damn ticket I handed it over to get my jacket and go home like a good boy.

Much to my surprise, they couldn’t find it and asked me to describe it. How do you say “it’s black and leather” to the scary looking jacket man in a dress code leather bar without him getting annoyed with you. They are all black and leather he answered sarcastically. So I had to stay till the bitter end (for my sins)

I thought about asking him if he had seen my mate, and when he asked what he looked like, I would say “Shaved head with a goatee”.

2002-02-04T16:54:00.000Z

First, belated happy blogday to Jonathan, well done mate, and it’s always interesting to read.

The weekend that was started with my mate Aussie Dave (so many Dave’s in my life) and I meeting after work and then heading off to hook up with Wayne at school. He had got us both to join him by offering to do “anything” for us in return. So we quite happily made our way down Fulham Palace Road discussing mulled wine emima’s and double fisting techniques as you do. Imagine our horror to find out that we had been lured into the school Caretakers 50th karaoke birthday party. With 50 fat lady teachers, the Caretaker in a purple silk shirt, the camp School Chef who tried to seduce me with his roast beef(?) Wayne, Dave and I. It wasn’t pretty, but I admit, I do get a buzz out of socializing with the teachers. Almost feels naughty. Dave and I flatly refused to partake in the karaoke and Wayne proudly told me that I would love his song. We fell about laughing when he took the stage to the strains of “You don’t have to say you love me”. Later in The Colherne, we asked him his motive for attending the party, his answer, “Well nobody likes the caretaker and he was worried that he would have a shit turnout and that would spoil his birthday” and I remembered why I fell in love with him all those years ago.

Saturday was a real Robbie Pie Hands day, after laying in, I rushed up to the barber in Clapham South for a “gay crop” which is what I ask for, much to his amusement. I left Wayne with strict instructions to ready himself as we were off to the “Front Room” to watch the rugby. (How butch are we). We screamed in 5 minutes after kick off and watched as Scotland lost spectacularly to England. In attendance were Dave, Ian, Mike (all members of bison ridge, back left hand side of the RVT on a Sunday) and Niel who is just the horniest lad I have ever met. We had a pizza after the match and then headed home for a quick disco-nap and a change of clothes before heading off to Comptons because Richard was 31 and Brent was leaving our shores for Canada. Unfortunately the birthday group had gone by the time we arrived, and after a few quick ones, we all headed off to “The Hoist”, Saturday at the Hoist rules as far as I am concerned. I spent most of the night with my gay son Rob, whose boyfriend (also Rob) is the DJ and the other bit getting up to absolutely no good.

Got home happy and just a bit worse for wear and suddenly had the bright idea to check out Gaydar, bad mistake as 4 hours later I finally got to sleep. After a quiet day it got to 16h30 and although we had sworn not to go to the RVT our bodies, as if possessed, found their way into the jeans and the Hackett shirts and the next thing I know, we were in the rather long queue in the rain. What a stonking evening, punctuated by very funny highlights like Ian’s springbok impression and Dave introducing me to his very horny boyfriend again. I don’t mind at all mate, and remember, you are the pretty one. We had decided to leave after Andy’s set but it all got a bit messy and we caught the last tube home. Rob (the gay son) and I have decided to write a gay soap opera called “Parallel Lives” (the joy’s of the K hole) and have been e-mailing ideas to each other all day.

And that was the weekend, I did Dave’s sex test and am a “playful kitten” so it would seem.

2002-01-25T17:30:00.000Z

Ho hum, January is at an end and not a peep from little old me.

I will promise to update you boy’s (and girl’s) with my wit and charm a little more frequently from now on.

Christmas New Year, what an amazing time we had, it ranged between total chilling out with videos and good friends, and wild Class A fueled parties that lasted days at a time. Hats off to Michael Malta for a superb Christmas dinner for twelve wayward lads. No easy tasks, we all cheered at the queens speech and had a traditional time in general.

New year started at the RVT (amazing) headed off to The Fridge (crap) and then home for a day of, well lets just say, every resolution I made was broken. After no sleep, it was off to the RVT for a stonking evening, we got in at 12 midnight and promptly slept for 16 hours.

I went back to work not quite realizing I had actually started and when I did come round, it was time for my birthday, 35, but still sexually active thank god. The weekend started with a quiet evening in with Wayne, then on Saturday, Wayne went to a conference and Adam stepped in as surrogate boyfriend, he took me off to trendy Hoxton to listen to one of the guy’s he manages play, ever so posh, and also excellent. Then to the Fridge which was crap again. Do you notice a trend starting here. On Sunday, I managed to cram 30 of my nearest and dearest into San Marco’s in Clapham for a pre Vauxhall pizza. The RVT shone as usual and Edna sang my personal fave, “Perfect Day” which it was.

Now I am back at gym and want to attain bison proportions before summer, work is crap and I am out there looking seriously coz I am bored, and I am discovering 101 ways to eat whilst poverty stricken. Roll on payday.

For all photo's go to www.waynel.com, click on list of sites, click on sites after south africa, and follow left hand menu. So Wayne is a teacher, not a web page designer.