Rob in London

2002-03-28T17:11:00.000Z

Well Easter is upon us, may all your Cadburys eggs be creamy.

We have a bit of a weekend ahead, if you are at Love Muscle, Trade or the RVT expect to see me in various states of disrepair.

See you all on the playing field…

2002-03-22T08:55:00.000Z

I am officially in love with a known drug user. Who else thinks that Alain Baxter is the sweetest man on earth right now?

2002-03-21T16:06:00.000Z

Ho Hum I am bored…….

It’s that waiting for the new job to start, getting the old jobs loose ends tied up type of bored. And I hate it.

I have also had a pretty violent tearful Tuesday and weepy Wednesday, but that is of my own doing so can’t allow you all to feel sorry for me.

Exciting things that have happened this week so far…

My current boss Martin, of Andrew Martin commented “My God Rob, you are getting so thin, turn sideways and you would disappear.” Well the gym is working it would seem.

A real DJ and decks at the Gym last night, for a 3 hour set. I was well impressed. Only at Soho Clapham on a Wednesday though, can we please have Sean Sirrs next week.

Most of you who I have on my e-mail string have received the S.L.A.G.S Quilting Bee Spring Outing news. Yes we are off to see Taboo on Wednesday 10th (damn I will miss the DJ at Gym), my mate Sam has got us tickets for £17.50. From the Blogs, only Scally is coming so far. Come on boys.

Rite more before the weekend then…

2002-03-20T09:22:00.000Z

Amusing e-mail recieved this morning...

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

1. He called everyone "brother"

2. He liked Gospel

3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:

1. He went into His Fathers business.

2. He lived at home until he was 33.

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was
God.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

1. He talked with his hands.

2. He had wine with every meal.

3. He used olive oil.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a
Californian:

1. He never cut his hair.

2. He walked around barefoot all the time.

3. He started a new religion.

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

1. He never got married.

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a
woman:

1. He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food.

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just
didn't
get it.

3. Even when he was dead, He had to get up because there was more work
for Him to do.

Amen!!!

2002-03-18T16:40:00.000Z

The weekend that was:

Friday was a quiet one, work, gym, home, bed. But with good cause because I was working on Saturday. I am one of the sicko’s that love working on a Saturday, coz it isn’t every week and always quite a social event. After work, I went home and we had a light dinner and prepared for Hope. The last few Hopes have been amazing and this one didn’t disappoint. We arrived really early to hear our mate Graham’s warm up set, it was wonderful.

We were joined by Karl and New Beau, Fireman Craig and Pete, Matthew, Richard, Andy and Alex. Also Tighe and Graham, John, Adam, Little John, The RVT’s rising singing star, Simon and Ross. It was a stonking evening and as usual we decided that it shouldn’t end there, so all rushed back to Little John’s for a chill-out, From there it was over to Adams for chill out part two and before I knew it, it was RVT time. Time flies when you hit the old cooking sherry.

Well, we couldn’t miss Marc Andrews just because we had had no sleep. Unfortunately, even though his tunes were funky, his mixing skills have gone to pot and I was quite pleased when Sean Sirrs took over. The usual crowd were in the house and the bloggers I remember are Ian, David and Marcus. Sorry to anyone else but I was not of sane mind. I was in luck though, my favourite “Prom King” Mike was on hand to support me and keep me upright(?) on the dance floor. Because he is such a big boy, nobody squeezes past him because they are scared of him and so I had an evening free of annoying people.

It all finally got to much at 11pm and we headed home, I think I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

Feel like shit today, but it was all worth it.

2002-03-16T09:51:00.000Z

I have just read the QX and with great interest, the article about the Gay Film Festival. There is a movie about a legendry SA trannie called Granny Lee, or if you are from my generation, Mother Lee as we called her.

I first met her on my first trip to a gay venue and thought I should share the story with you…

I was in the army and had come to terms with my sexuality, all the gay boys in my platoon had taken pass at the same time and we headed up to Johannesburg (the BIG city), and I was to go to Decadance, which was the height of Gay clubbing at the time.

I remember standing in the queue in our finest 80’s new romantic outfits(oh! The shame), shitting myself coz I had no ides what to expect, did big scary older boys throw you over tables and have their way with you as an initiation? (whoops, that’s every Saturday night in London)

There was a commotion behind me and when I looked up, I was face to face with the scariest thing I had ever seen, about 100 years old, grey hair and wearing a black bin liner with holes cut out for arms, a white spangled belt, a HUGE Ascot type hat and with an entourage of very nice looking lads was Mother Lee, who said, “come with me darlink, I want to wank you off with my bum” before sweeping past me and bitching the doorman and anyone else in authority, disappeared into the club. I almost ran a mile, found a nice wife and settled down.

A very sad image that stays with me is later that night seeing Mother Lee, collapsed and crumpled in a corner, basically an old drunk.

Still! She was glamorous and part of my early gay life and I love the fact that a movie has been made to commemorate hers.

2002-03-12T16:29:00.000Z

Big SORRY to Scally, I was in mid “brain dead” stage at the Vauxhall on Sunday when you said Hi. I am booking myself into Betty Ford right now, I won’t draw a blank again.

2002-03-11T13:45:00.000Z

The weekend in a nutshell:

We started off downstairs at the Freedom Bar on Friday night for Tony’s birthday. It was a mix of DTPM, Hoist and Vauxhall boys and Little Rob played a mean set that got everybody leaping around. Wayne and I decided that the party had just begun and headed off to Sub Station South for afters. I can never figure out why I bother at Sub Station South except to have a laugh with Ggreg at the bar. I can honestly say that, besides the Venue, People and Music, it would have been a good evening.

On Saturday the “prom kings” (called this as the first time we saw them at the Vauxhall and it has stuck) came over for a bit of boyish fun. It is always a pleasure to see them.

Sunday and we dragged ourselves up to the RVT and it was packed and quite frankly awful. The whole blogging world was in attendance as well as the two Rob’s, Mike & Damon (the prom kings) Mike and Nick, Darryl, fresh from his trip to visit our long lost “Hedgehog” Dave. He had a breath Freshener spray that he was spraying into everybody’s mouth, and it was most unpleasant, Karl (who informs me I need to buy a hat coz he is heading down the isle again it would seem) Michael Malta, Andy and the beautiful Claire, Fireman Craig (phoarr) and Pete, Martin and Chris (fresh from Cape Town) Adam and for a while Tony who was nursing a broken heart. I am afraid I got very messy quite early and was put in a corner so that I didn’t fall into people and spill their drinks. The damn bar staff, I order low alcohol cider and they always spike it. Still as Edna says, for £ 3.50 an hour, what do you expect.

I resigned this morning, before being able to focus on objects, I thought it was better that way. Everybody is really happy for me, but I don’t care today, I need my bed and a headache tablet. One positive thing about the new job “Mondays off when I need them”

2002-03-07T16:35:00.000Z

Robbie Pie Hands

Yip that’s me, I am on the move again. I went through a series of interviews recently and yesterday was horrified, excited to find two job offers on my desk. I deliberated, chatted to Wayne and a few of my mates, made lists until they came out of my ears and have decided to rejoin my ex boss at Fired Earth in Chiswick with a twist. I am starting the Interior Design side of the business and have been made a 50% partner. Now 50% of nothing is still nothing but I have access to all the good (oh and rich) clients who are all begging him to give them this service.

So loads of hard work in the pipeline but hopefully it will mean success.

As far as the weekend goes, I am off to a party with my mates “The Little Rob’s” on Friday downstairs at the Freedom Bar. We are entertaining “The Prom Kings” for a round two Gaydar meet on Saturday (everybody tells me that it is never the same second time around) and Sunday, well I am at a loss….

Suggestions????

2002-02-28T16:58:00.000Z

Oh and my old boss called and want's me back, why is it always feast or famile in my life.

2002-02-28T16:54:00.000Z

We are off to see Monster Inc. tonight mainly because "us ladies wot go to the pictures once a week" are fed up with the angst of the last few oscar nominated movies. Also Dave is recovering from "a queen cold", you know the sort where you almost die and have multiple viruses and Adam is sulking coz the guy he manages didn't get the grammy he was nominated for. I think that an evening of popcorm tossing and coca-cola slurping will be the best medicine.

2002-02-28T16:48:00.000Z

Well after 3 years of continuous minkering and a small countries (Columbia) gross domestic product later I have finally made Boyz magazine. And about time too.

2002-02-28T16:47:00.000Z

My continued Star Watching:

Who should stroll past the shop today. Dustin Hoffman....and some tasty bit of crumpet (if you are into that sort of thing)

Beat that Jonno.

2002-02-27T16:54:00.000Z

Hello Fellow Bloggers

Well after a very stressful few weeks, I can do an entry, so here goes.

The weekend was fun, I had survived an internet ban at work and being told that I upset the warehouse staff and reduce them to tears and steamed ahead to

Friday, went to the gym, (damn it has to start paying off soon) and treated myself to a sun bed. On the way home I dropped and smashed (or so I had thought) my phone and stormed in and took it all out on Wayne, we were heading up toDukes to meet Aussie Dave and by the time we got there were not talking, all thanks to my phone. Anyway a few lagers later and we made up, had a good time with the lads and even had our photo taken for Boyz, lets see if they print it.

On Saturday I worked in the showroom and was very excited to serve Alan Parker (THE Alan Parker) I am such a star fucker.

The Fridge was on but we didn’t go, We had mates from a certain Gay Community Chat Area (OK Gaydar) coming over and I must admit, the visit was a lot more fun. We had branded these two Action Man and The Prom King at the Vauxhall years ago and a good time was had by all (for hours)

On Sunday, Action Man, Prom King, Wayne and I headed up to the RVT and saw all of you singing at the top of your voices. I was misty eyed, it was beautiful. Ditto for Evergreen, trashy and fab but my personal fave right now is “I think were alone now”. Tiffany was such a one hit wonder. We only stayed till midnight and resisted the pull to the LA3.

2002-02-27T08:52:00.000Z

Well, another week and I am having a better one you will all be pleased to hear. Went on a job interview, got invited to the second interview. Have had a load of rest, eating tons of fruit and being healthy in general. Will update on the "wicked" weekend as soon as time allows...

2002-02-27T08:48:00.000Z

These are from a book called 'Disorder in the Court'.
> > >
> > > These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken
> down
> > > and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying
> > calm
> > > while these exchanges were actually taking place.
> > > Some of these are excellent - don't miss the last one.
> > >
> > > Q: Are you sexually active?
> > > A: No, I just lie there.
> > >
> > > Q: What is your date of birth?
> > > A: July fifteenth.
> > > Q: What year?
> > > A: Every year.
> > >
> > > Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
> > > A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
> > >
> > > Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
> > > A: Yes.
> > > Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> > > A: I forget.
> > > Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
> > > forgotten?
> > >
> > > Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> > > A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
> > > Q: How long has he lived with you?
> > > A: Forty-five years.
> > >
> > > Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
> that
> > > morning?
> > > A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> > > Q: And why did that upset you?
> > > A: My name is Susan.
> > >
> > > Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or
the
> > > occult?
> > > A: We both do.
> > > Q: Voodoo?
> > > A: We do.
> > > Q: You do?
> > > A: Yes, voodoo.
> > >
> > > Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
> > > he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
> > >
> > > Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?
> > >
> > > Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> > >
> > > Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
> > > A: Yes.
> > > Q: And what were you doing at that time?
> > >
> > > Q: She had three children, right?
> > > A: Yes.
> > > Q: How many were boys?
> > > A: None.
> > > Q:Were there any girls?
> > >
> > > Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> > > A: By death.
> > > Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
> > >
> > > Q: Can you describe the individual?
> > > A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> > > Q: Was this a male, or a female?
> > >
> > > Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice
> > > which I sent to your attorney?
> > > A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
> > >
> > > Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
> > > A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
> > >
> > > Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
> > > A: Oral.
> > >
> > > Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
> > > A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> > > Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
> > > A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
> autopsy.
> > >
> > > Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> > >
> > > Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: Did you check for breathing?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
> the
> > > autopsy?
> > > A: No.
> > > Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> > > A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
> > > Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
> > > A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising
law
> > > somewhere.
> > >

2002-02-21T17:39:00.000Z

Oh "In The Bedroom" was the next Oscar nominated movie on our list and Adam, Wayne and I loved it, we agreed that Tom Wilkinson deserves the best actor nod. It is a beautifully shot, technically fine piece of work and well worth the £8.

2002-02-21T17:10:00.000Z

I have had the worst week you can imagine, got a bollocking for my excessive (Gaydar) internet use at work, bastards. Then was told that the warehouse staff all hate me because I am rude and can I address my attitude. Don’t they understand that I have RVT from Monday to Wednesday and should be “LEFT ALONE GODDAMIT”

2002-02-15T15:37:00.000Z

A rare but fabulous entry from me,

A weekend in the country:
Our mates Steve and Martin invited us out to the house they have on long loan for a quiet weekend cum Pop Idol Final party. We hopped onto the train after I finished work on Saturday and 45 minutes later we were surrounded by trees, birds and little bambi’s. Martin met us at the station and whisked us up to the house, it ids the first place that actually matches the dimensions of your average South African house but without the electric fences. We cheered for Will, ate far to much and rolled into bed at a respectable 1am.

On Sunday it was up and a brisk walk to the war memorial for the view. It was a very sad place, 22000 airmen, their names immortalised in stone, hardly any of them over 25 years old. Made me forget about being a sad old queen and appreciate my life.

We went to a quaint “olde English pubbe” for lunch, of which their was heaps for a fiver, and then into Windsor for a wonder round and more food.

Wayne and I were quite happy to climb aboard the train going home on Sunday afternoon with all good intention of rushing off to Neil, Earl of Compton’s party.
We hadn’t organised the regulation dress suit or military wear and nobody was answering texts about how many of the lads had dressed up so sorry Neil, we decided to give it a miss. As the train neared London, Wayne made a fab observation, “this train passes Vauxhall Station” Need I say more…

Photo’s of our weekend in the country.

2002-02-07T16:10:00.000Z

And the oscar for best movie goes to.....

"Gosforth Park"

No discussion, see it. it is fab.

Best performance, Emily Watson, she blew everyone else out of the water as far as I was concerned.

2002-02-06T16:34:00.000Z

I was off to the gym last night. It’s becoming a bit of a habit this going to the gym thing, if I am not careful, I will become desirable. I go to the “Soho Athletic” in Clapham otherwise known as the S.L.A.G.S during the week. So many Vauxhall boys.

I observed two grown men (chunky at that) giggling like schoolgirls and dashing in and out of the change rooms. It would seem that there was some demi-god in the shower which is conveniently situated opposite the loo’s and they must have had such bladder problems.

At last, exercise has become fun…

2002-02-06T16:28:00.000Z

The Oscar Movie Group is off to see Gosforth Park tonight, can’t wait. I will blog my opinion tomorrow. So will be in Comptons from 7:30 if anyone wants to join me for a pint.

2002-02-06T16:26:00.000Z

I forgot to tell you about my jacket hell on Saturday night at the Hoist. After a furious fumble for the damn ticket I handed it over to get my jacket and go home like a good boy.

Much to my surprise, they couldn’t find it and asked me to describe it. How do you say “it’s black and leather” to the scary looking jacket man in a dress code leather bar without him getting annoyed with you. They are all black and leather he answered sarcastically. So I had to stay till the bitter end (for my sins)

I thought about asking him if he had seen my mate, and when he asked what he looked like, I would say “Shaved head with a goatee”.

2002-02-04T16:54:00.000Z

First, belated happy blogday to Jonathan, well done mate, and it’s always interesting to read.

The weekend that was started with my mate Aussie Dave (so many Dave’s in my life) and I meeting after work and then heading off to hook up with Wayne at school. He had got us both to join him by offering to do “anything” for us in return. So we quite happily made our way down Fulham Palace Road discussing mulled wine emima’s and double fisting techniques as you do. Imagine our horror to find out that we had been lured into the school Caretakers 50th karaoke birthday party. With 50 fat lady teachers, the Caretaker in a purple silk shirt, the camp School Chef who tried to seduce me with his roast beef(?) Wayne, Dave and I. It wasn’t pretty, but I admit, I do get a buzz out of socializing with the teachers. Almost feels naughty. Dave and I flatly refused to partake in the karaoke and Wayne proudly told me that I would love his song. We fell about laughing when he took the stage to the strains of “You don’t have to say you love me”. Later in The Colherne, we asked him his motive for attending the party, his answer, “Well nobody likes the caretaker and he was worried that he would have a shit turnout and that would spoil his birthday” and I remembered why I fell in love with him all those years ago.

Saturday was a real Robbie Pie Hands day, after laying in, I rushed up to the barber in Clapham South for a “gay crop” which is what I ask for, much to his amusement. I left Wayne with strict instructions to ready himself as we were off to the “Front Room” to watch the rugby. (How butch are we). We screamed in 5 minutes after kick off and watched as Scotland lost spectacularly to England. In attendance were Dave, Ian, Mike (all members of bison ridge, back left hand side of the RVT on a Sunday) and Niel who is just the horniest lad I have ever met. We had a pizza after the match and then headed home for a quick disco-nap and a change of clothes before heading off to Comptons because Richard was 31 and Brent was leaving our shores for Canada. Unfortunately the birthday group had gone by the time we arrived, and after a few quick ones, we all headed off to “The Hoist”, Saturday at the Hoist rules as far as I am concerned. I spent most of the night with my gay son Rob, whose boyfriend (also Rob) is the DJ and the other bit getting up to absolutely no good.

Got home happy and just a bit worse for wear and suddenly had the bright idea to check out Gaydar, bad mistake as 4 hours later I finally got to sleep. After a quiet day it got to 16h30 and although we had sworn not to go to the RVT our bodies, as if possessed, found their way into the jeans and the Hackett shirts and the next thing I know, we were in the rather long queue in the rain. What a stonking evening, punctuated by very funny highlights like Ian’s springbok impression and Dave introducing me to his very horny boyfriend again. I don’t mind at all mate, and remember, you are the pretty one. We had decided to leave after Andy’s set but it all got a bit messy and we caught the last tube home. Rob (the gay son) and I have decided to write a gay soap opera called “Parallel Lives” (the joy’s of the K hole) and have been e-mailing ideas to each other all day.

And that was the weekend, I did Dave’s sex test and am a “playful kitten” so it would seem.

2002-01-25T17:30:00.000Z

Ho hum, January is at an end and not a peep from little old me.

I will promise to update you boy’s (and girl’s) with my wit and charm a little more frequently from now on.

Christmas New Year, what an amazing time we had, it ranged between total chilling out with videos and good friends, and wild Class A fueled parties that lasted days at a time. Hats off to Michael Malta for a superb Christmas dinner for twelve wayward lads. No easy tasks, we all cheered at the queens speech and had a traditional time in general.

New year started at the RVT (amazing) headed off to The Fridge (crap) and then home for a day of, well lets just say, every resolution I made was broken. After no sleep, it was off to the RVT for a stonking evening, we got in at 12 midnight and promptly slept for 16 hours.

I went back to work not quite realizing I had actually started and when I did come round, it was time for my birthday, 35, but still sexually active thank god. The weekend started with a quiet evening in with Wayne, then on Saturday, Wayne went to a conference and Adam stepped in as surrogate boyfriend, he took me off to trendy Hoxton to listen to one of the guy’s he manages play, ever so posh, and also excellent. Then to the Fridge which was crap again. Do you notice a trend starting here. On Sunday, I managed to cram 30 of my nearest and dearest into San Marco’s in Clapham for a pre Vauxhall pizza. The RVT shone as usual and Edna sang my personal fave, “Perfect Day” which it was.

Now I am back at gym and want to attain bison proportions before summer, work is crap and I am out there looking seriously coz I am bored, and I am discovering 101 ways to eat whilst poverty stricken. Roll on payday.

For all photo's go to www.waynel.com, click on list of sites, click on sites after south africa, and follow left hand menu. So Wayne is a teacher, not a web page designer.

2002-01-09T14:25:00.000Z

BAD BAD ME, I deserve to be punished (Oh! yes please)

I am back at work and back on the computer, so expect large updates soon.

Happy New Year everyone, it's gonna be a great one.

I am fighting the fear of turning 35 next Monday so have headed back to the Gym. How fickle and queeny of me.

Speak soon

2001-12-19T16:01:00.000Z

In a vile mood as I just lost my cool at work and told someone to “get fucked”. And I never loose my cool at work. My Ice Queen image is shattered

It was Wayne’s birthday weekend last weekend, we started with a visit to Hope on Saturday, it was the first time we had been in a while and a great time was had by all.
It was late home as usual and we woke up just in time to rush up to Comptons to meet the boys. Ian was there when we arrived and kindly bought us a drink, soon the others arrived and at about five we headed down to the Vauxhall. Here are some photo’s of the day.

Last night, I took Wayne off to see Umoja, the South African show at the Shaftsbury Theatre, It was great, definitely a worthwhile show to see.

2001-12-14T17:29:00.000Z

Read Anne Widdecombe's Christmas poem here. Were you inspired??

2001-12-14T15:14:00.000Z

I am nursing the most awful hangover courtesy of the Woo Woo??
For those not in the “Woo Woo know”, is consists of Peach Schnapps, Vodka, Cranberry and Orange in a tall glass. I had several at our Christmas work doo last night.

This week has been very hectic, hence my silence for most of it, After my lovely relaxing day off on Monday, Tuesday turned out to be a nightmare, all of Monday’s work was waiting for me and then in the evening, we went off to “The Andrew Martin Interior Designer Of The Year” awards at the V & A. This is basically my bosses sneaky way of getting exposure in every décor glossy in the world once a year. Still the Champers flowed freely and the nibbly bits were nibbly and we rolled on quite late and just a bit under the weather.

Wednesday I recovered, both at work and then at home.

Fully charged, I had an effective day at work on Thursday and then headed off to our Christmas doo at the Artesian Well in Clapham (Dump). It involved Karaoke, a very un savory buffet, 2 sets of work colleagues shagging and one punch up. Just your average Christmas doo then.

Tonight is my TV evening, with Wayne away at his Christmas doo it is going to be quiet and lovely.

For those of you who are around, we are having drinks for Wayne’s birthday at Compton’s on Sunday from about 14h30, (pre-Vauxhall) and then off to the RVT itself. Hope to see some or all of you there.

2001-12-10T12:51:00.000Z

A am enjoying the rare luxury of a Monday off. After Wayne left for work, I lay in for a while, got up and had a leisurely bath and prepared to go Christmas shopping. Shock and horror, £400 has been taken out of my account that was actually only to only be deducted at the end of January. Cancelled Christmas shopping. I never seem to get this money thing right.

Let me tell you about our planned quiet weekend. It started really well on Friday with tasty home made hotdogs with all the trimmings, great TV and early to bed. I worked on Saturday and got a series of, “are you boys coming out” calls throughout the day until I was more than a little keen. I got home and after much discussion we decided that we should go to the Fridge, after all, it’s only once a month. It was a great evening and we rolled in to bed at 6am, the problem, I had to be at work at 12 noon.

Sunday at work was great, luckily everyone had been out clubbing and we were all just a bit silly all day, I headed down to the RVT after work and met Wayne there, we were in time for the DE Experience for once and enjoyed the show thoroughly, spent the rest of the evening with the crowd, the music was fantastic, loads of the older stuff. Ian and I had both donned our SA Rugby jerseys and then another bloke pitched up in one, the boys must have thought that their luck was in and the official SA rugby team tour bus had broken down outside and the players had popped in for a drink and some hands in the air partying. Imagine.

Tried to have a conversation with Jonathan but I fear I may have made very little sense. We have decided that the New year will be seen in at the Vauxhall. 2002 seen in at a shit hole in the middle of a traffic circle, I would want it no other way.

2001-12-06T17:15:00.000Z

Busy, VERY busy....

Stop the world, I want to get off...

2001-12-04T18:19:00.000Z

Silly season began last night with a departmental doo at Wagamama’s at Harvey Nick’s, which was not nearly as atmospheric and funky as the one in Soho. We headed up to the 5th floor bar first of all trying to spend as much of Andrew Martin’s money as possible, after a very amusing hour of people watching (BBC wildlife could make a series on the habits of these people) we headed down to supper and proceeded to get very pissed. Food was OK. We headed over to a hotel bar (dunno the hotel) for post supper drinks and bumped into 3 Corr’s. I was dying to ask them when they would be doing an Almighty mix of one of their dreary hits as I think they are shite. Who knows, they probably have done one and I just don’t realize it. Stumbled in very worse for wear at 1am and cuddled up to Wayne to stop the room from spinning. I don’t do alcohol usually so imagine my surprise when I woke up with a hangover from hell.

Further work related functions are:
Leaving doo # 1 – Tomorrow
Designer of the Year Awards at the V & A – Tuesday
Christmas Work Do – Thursday
Leaving Doo # 2 – Friday

Those are the ones I can remember.

Its going to be a stressful two weeks

2001-12-03T17:34:00.000Z

Oh I am feeling worse for wear, and unlike David, no sickie for me I am afraid.
I am showing all the signs of RVT, dry mouth, cold sweat, slight tremor and a smile from ear to ear as I hum Positive Role Model and the new Hear’ Say tune mindlessly.

Our quiet weekend started by us going for a quiet drink at the 2 Brewers on Friday, Which meant that we arrived home at 4am “trashed”, I was up for work for 10am.

Saturday night started at the Hoist, bumped into Guy who now has something to blackmail me about )), John, Danny, Little Rob and DJ Rob. The fine company and cultured surroundings were enjoyed until the early hours. Then on to Crash to meet Martin and Chris for some more “disco dancing”. Got home late, slept much later still and woke up in time for a cheese sandwich and then off to the Vauxhall,

We made it in time for the show for once, and Edna did “Bohemian Rhapsody” in honour of world aids day and to celebrate the life of Freddy the man, he has been dead for 10 years, I remember going to a memorial concert in Johannesburg and it seems a lot longer ago than that. Also, a revelation that Edna will only be playing the RVT from now on, I didn’t know drag queens could retire so early on in their careers. The Vauxhall was a bit emptier, and so much more pleasant because of it, and we had a great time with basically the whole “usual” crowd, We popped into the Hoist on the way home for a quiet drink to “calm” down, As fun as it is on Saturday, it’s equally sad on a Sunday so we downed our drink and headed home to bed. I really have to get out a bit more…

Tonight, I am going to a work do at Waggamoma’s and it will be all I can do not to pass out in my bowl of wet noodles from sheer exhaustion.

Laters…

2001-11-30T17:16:00.000Z

Friday, I love that word…

All that we have planned this weekend so far is an evening at The Hoist. My mate Rob C is playing on the Dirty Dancing Dance Floor and we are going to help his boyfriend, and our gay son (?) Little Rob whip the leather boy’s into a hands in the air frenzy.

Dirty Dancing at the Hoist is definitely worth a visit by the way, the music is fab, Imagine a darker, more evil version of the RVT chill out set, with legitimate horny cruise action just a doorway away. What else could a boy want.

Hope to see some of you there…

2001-11-30T10:24:00.000Z

What Tree Did You Fall From???

What tree did you fall from? Find your birthday, find your tree and then scroll down...
This is really cool and somewhat accurate, also in line with Celtic astrology.

Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 - Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 - Beech Tree
Dec 23 to Dec 31 - Apple Tree

APPLE TREE (Love) - of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.

ASH TREE (Ambition) - uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic, very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but takes partnership very seriously.

BEECH TREE (Creative) - has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organisation of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)

BIRCH TREE (Inspiration) - vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, pretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

CEDAR TREE (Confidence) - of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love, able to make quick decisions.

CHESTNUT TREE (Honesty) - of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice, vivacious, interested, a born diplomat, but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once, has difficulties in finding a partner.

CYPRESS TREE (Faithfulness) - strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, content, optimistic, craves money and acknowledgement, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.

ELM TREE (Noble-Minded) - pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, loudest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humour, practical.

FIG TREE (Sensibility) - very strong, a bit self-willed, independent,
Does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense of humour, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.

FIR TREE (Mysterious) - extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated,
Loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious, uncontested lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.

HAZELNUT TREE (Extraordinary) - charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgement.

HORNBEAM TREE (Good Taste) - of cool beauty, cares for its looks and
condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as
possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness
and acknowledgement in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

LIME TREE (Doubt) - accepts what life dishes out in a composed way,
Hates fighting, stress, and labour, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous but loyal.

MAPLE TREE (Independent) - no ordinary person, full of imagination and
originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

OAK TREE (Brave) - robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting,
independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the
ground, person of action.

OLIVE TREE (Wisdom) - loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable,
balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm,
well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of
jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

PINE TREE (Particular) - loves agreeable company, very robust, knows
How to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, everything disappointments until it finds its ideal, trustworthy, practical.

POPLAR TREE (Uncertainty) - looks very decorative, not very self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organiser, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in

any situation, takes partnership seriously.

ROWAN TREE (Sensitivity) - full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

WALNUT TREE (Passion) - unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts,
Often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired,

ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

WEEPING WILLOW (Melancholy) - beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner

2001-11-29T16:20:00.000Z

I am in retail hell right now, it’s coming on Christmas and all the designers and their customers are getting twitchy because they want their goods. Invariably some of them are going to be disappointed and my department faces the brunt of the fury that gets dished out.

I have had it all day, swearing (we cannot swear back I am afraid, at least not in English), tears, bribes and worst of all, sexual advances from over botox’ed Chelsea slappers. Makes me shudder at the thought.

Sometimes I think my brother, who never quite recovered from the 60’s , who lives on the South Coast of Natal in South Africa and makes wind chimes and diggeridos to survive has the right idea.

2001-11-28T18:02:00.000Z

Friday was a quiet evening, becoming a habit now, and included Will and Grace, Graham Norton , bad mistake having Gerard Depardieu as a guest, not that I have anything against him personally but he didn’t do much to help the flow of the show now did he.

Worked on Saturday to boost the Christmas bonus, and then home and buffed for Love Muscle, rushed round to Michaels, where Karl was playing “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” online and doing very well I might add. If he gets onto the show we will have an heiress in our midst. Adrian, Rob and Cliff arrived and after a drink we headed off to The Fridge for Hard Muscle. It was great and we decided that it couldn’t end, so popped next door to the Fridge Bar to party to Mark Munro’s set from 08h30. Along with Rob C, Andy and Sean, he is one of my favourite DJ’s and quite gentle on the eye as well.

Sunday, bed by 11am, sleep quite a while later, and then it was off to the RVT. It took us an hour to get in annoyingly, but once inside, the usual great evening was had. Partied with our mate Adam until the early hours.

Monday - God knows what happened, I was recovering from Sunday.

That’s my weekend in a nutshell…

2001-11-23T09:05:00.000Z

Harry Potter was so fab. I loved it, I felt like a kid and left the cinema with the 1000 or so other adults on such a high.
I have nothing bad to say about it.

Wayne did fidget right the way through , but he was forgiven a it was his second screening of the day.

2001-11-23T09:01:00.000Z

This is the e-mail I get from Michael regarding his thanksgiving dinner.

"I just stuffed my face with: Turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, candied yams,
squash, pearl onions, dinner rolls, mashed potatoes, and gravy. Delicious! Now
we are going to be having dessert, pumkin pie, banana cream pie and my sister
made some kind of chocolate torte thing. Coffee is the only thing that will
keep me awake."

I can't wait for christmas day now.

2001-11-22T15:59:00.000Z

It’s Harry Potter day, I have waited for a year for this, I hope the movie is what I have seen in my minds eye. Wayne, who dragged his class off to it this morning, “A test in comprehension (Yeah Rite)” say’s it is fabulous. So us band of W.I.T (wizards in training) are meeting at Comptons at 19h30 waving our magic wands (?) and sending up showers of coloured sparks, frightening the muggles and causing general mayhem. Oh And it will be a convenient time to get our Fridge Tickets too.

Full report tomorrow.

Thanks to other Dave for the e-mail, I have added you to my list.

2001-11-20T17:40:00.000Z

OK, I am officially the worst blogger in the world, sorry.

I have been following Jonathan’s “not a honeymoon” with great interest as he is in the country of my birth. Glad to see that they are having a good time and it is interesting and sometimes really embarrassing (me feeling embarrassed about some of the history) to read his point of view.

Harry Potter fever has gripped our household, and we are off to see the movie on Thursday, Wayne who is taking his 29, 11 year old pupils during the day on Thursday will be seeing it twice. I wish I had had a teacher who would whisk us off to the cinema at the drop of a hat.

We are trying to lay low and conserve some money for Christmas, but still managed to make an appearance at the Vauxhall on Sunday (loads of fun) and will be at Love Muscle on Saturday.

While I was at the RVT on Sunday, a guy asked if I was Rob and said that he reads my blog (what blog, my monthly entry). He told me he was the other Dave, but didn’t look like Heggie?? So can anyone tell me what his site is called.

Anyway laters…

2001-11-02T17:12:00.000Z

I wipe my eye’s and find that it has been AGES since my last blog, and sadly, I have very little to report again. It is official, I have become dull.

November is upon us and I excitedly rushed to my salary advise slip as I was to get my 3 month salary adjustment, sadly nothing has materialized. Goddamit, I’m worth so much more. I am having words with the financial director on Tuesday.

As far as the great and never ending story of the London nightlife goes, we have abused it as usual, last weekend I made a return to the Royal Vauxhall Tavern, it was good to stay away for a few weeks, what a great evening.

Besides the cycle of working, eating and sleeping, nothing had happened this week, but what a full weekend lies ahead.

Tonight we are off to Tighe and Graeme’s for dinner, lovely as they are awfully stylish boys. I will need to take my passport though, it is in North London.

I am doing a Saturday in the showroom, abusing the Slonies and then in the evening we are off to the Hoist. For the dancing??? Before you all start wondering. Sunday afternoon is another meal, this time at JP and Barbara’s, after that, it’s off to the Fridge for the Gaydar evening. Hundreds of boy’s trying to recognize each other with their clothes on. Should be fun.

I have wisely taken Monday off, as I have leave owing to me and I deserve a day of pampering myself.

I will no doubt see you all out there

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE BEEN IN LONDON TOO LONG?
>
>
>? You say "the City" and expect everyone to
>know which one.
>? You have never been to The Tower or Madame
>Tussauds but love Brighton.
>? You can get into a four-hour argument about
>how to get from Shepherds Bush to Elephant & Castle
>at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but
>can't find Dorset on a map.
>? Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
>? You step over people who collapse on the Tube
>(or in our the case, you DO collapse on the tube)
>? You believe that being able to swear at
>people in their own language makes you multilingual.
>? You've considered stabbing someone.
>? Your door has more than three locks.
>? You consider eye contact an act of overt
>aggression.
>? You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a
>garden.
>? You consider Essex the "countryside". You
>think Hyde Park is "nature".
>? You're paying 1,200 a month for a studio the
>size of a walk-in wardrobe and you think it's a
>"bargain".
>? Shopping in suburban supermarkets and
>shopping malls gives you a severe attack of
>agoraphobia.
>? You pay more each month to park your car than
>most people in the UK pay in rent.
>? You haven't seen more than twelve stars in
>the night sky since you went camping as a kid.
>? You haven't heard the sound of true absolute
>silence since you left home, and when you did, it
>terrified you.
>? You pay 3 pounds without blinking for a beer
>that cost the bar 28p.
>? You actually take fashion seriously.
>? Being truly alone makes you nervous.
>? You have 27 different menus next to your
>telephone.
>? The UK west of Heathrow is still theoretical
>to you.
>? You're suspicious of strangers who are
>actually nice to you.
>? You haven't cooked a meal since helping mum
>the last Christmas you were at home with the turkey.
>? Your idea of personal space is no one
>actually standing on your toes.
>? 50 pounds worth of groceries fit in one
>plastic bag.
>? You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride
>ever" stories.
>? You don't hear sirens anymore.
>? You've mentally blocked out all thoughts of
>the city's air quality and what it's doing to your
>lungs.
>? You live in a building with a larger
>population than most towns.
>? Your cleaner is Russian, your grocer is
>Somali, your deli man is Israeli, your landlord is
>Italian, your laundry guy is Philippino, your
>bartender is Australian, your favourite diner owner is
>Greek, the watch seller on your corner is Senegalese,
>your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsagent is
>Indian and your favourite falafel guy is Egyptian.
>? You wouldn't want to live anywhere else until
>you get married.
>
>

2001-10-19T07:41:00.000Z

I try not to read all the crap that people send, re: the awful stuff going on right now, but I take my hat off to Dave, whoever he is, who has responded to this stupid letter regarding the number 11. Read it all, it isn't another dull chain letter designed to irritate.

Later...

Original Letter:
The date of the attack: 9/11 - 9 + 1 + 1 = 11
September 11th is the 254th day of the year: 2 + 5 + 4 = 11
After September 11th there are 111 days left to the end of the year.
119 is the area code to Iraq/Iran. 1 + 1 + 9 = 11
Twin Towers - standing side by side, looks like the number 11
The first plane to hit the towers was Flight 11
I Have More....... State of New York - The 11th State added to the Union
New York City - 11 Letters
Afghanistan - 11 Letters
The Pentagon - 11 Letters
Ramzi Yousef - 11 Letters (convicted or orchestrating the attack at the WTC
in 1993)
Flight 11 - 92 on board - 9 + 2 = 11
Flight 77 - 65 on board - 6 + 5 = 11

Dave's response:

Oh my God! How worried should I be? There are 11 letters in the name "David
Pawson!" I'm going into hiding NOW. See you in a few weeks.

Wait a sec ... just realized "YOU CAN'T HIDE" also has 11 letters! What am
I gonna do?
Help me!!! The terrorists are after me! ME! I can't believe it! Oh crap,
there must be someplace on the planet Earth I could hide!

But no .."PLANET EARTH" has 11 letters, too! Maybe Nostradamus can help me.
But dare I trust him? There are 11 letters in "NOSTRADAMUS." I know, the Red
Cross can help. No they can't... 11 letters in "THE RED CROSS," can't trust
them. I would
rely on self defense, but "SELF DEFENSE" has 11 letters in it, too! Can
someone help? Anyone? If so, send me email. No, don't... "SEND ME EMAIL"
has 11 letters.... Will this never end? I'm going insane! "GOING INSANE???"

Eleven letters!! Nooooooooooo!!!!!! I guess I'll die alone, even though
"I'LL DIE ALONE" has 11 letters..... Oh my God, I just realized that America
is doomed! Our Independence Day is July 4th ... 7/4 ... 7+4!

Dave

PS. "IT'S BULLSHIT" has 11 letters also.

2001-10-18T07:16:00.000Z

...thought this was worth passing on in case you fancied a weekend in front of the telly!!

TALEBAN T.V.
>
> 6.00 Gee-Had TV. Morning prayers.
>
> 8.30 Talitubbies. Talitubbies say "Ah-ah". Dipsy and Tinky-Winky repair a
> Stinger missile launcher. La-La & Po show how to grow Anthrax.
>
> 9.00 Shouts of Praise. More prayers.
>
> 11.00 Jihad's Army. The Kandahar-on-Sea battalion repulse another attack
> by evil, imperialist, Zionist backed infidels.
>
> 12.00 Ready, Steady, Shoot! Celebrities make lethal devices out of
> everyday objects.
>
> 12.30 Panoramadan. The programme reports on Americas attempts to take over
> the world.
>
> 13.30 Xena: Modestly dressed Housewife. Xena stays at home and does some
> cooking.
>
> 14.00 Only Fools and Camels. Dhal-Boy offloads some Chinese rocket
> launchers to Hamas.
>
> 14.30 Green Peter. The total of Kalashnikovs bought by the milk bottle top
> appeal is revealed.
>
> 15.00 Madrasah Challenge. Two more Islamic colleges meet. Bambah Kaskhain
> asks the questions.'Starter for ten, no praying.'
>
> 15.30 I Love 629. A look back at the events of the year, including ! ! the
> Prophet's entry into Mecca, and the destruction of pagan idols.
>
> 16.00 Question Time. Members of the public face questions from political
> and religious leaders.
>
> 17.00 Koranation Street. Deirdrie faces execution by stoning for adultery.
>
> 17.30 Middle-East Enders. The entire cast is jailed for unislamic
> behaviour.
>
> 18.00 Holiday. The team go on pilgrimage to Mecca. Again.
>
> 18.30 Top of the Prophets. Will the Koran be No.1 for the 63,728th week
> running?
>
> 19.00 Who wants to be a Mujahadin? Mahmoud Tarran asks the questions. Will
> contestants phone a mullah, go 'inshallah', or ask the Islamic council?
>
> 20.00 FILM: Shariah's Angels. The three burkha-clad sleuths go undercover
> to expose an evil scheme to educate women.
>
> 21.30 Big Brother. Who will be taken out of the house and executed this
> week?
>
> 22.30 Shahs in their Eyes. More hopefuls imitate famous destroyers of the
> infidel.
>
> 23.30 They think it's Allah over. Quiz culminating in the 'don't feel the
> Mullah' round.
>
> 0.00 When Imams attack. Amusing footage shot secretly in mosques. The
> filmers were also secretly shot.
>
> 12.30 a.m. The West Bank Show. Arts programme looking at anti-Israel
> graffiti art in the occupied territories.
>
> 1.30 Bhuffi the Infidel Slayer.
>
> 2.00 A book at bedtime. The Koran. Again

2001-10-17T16:56:00.000Z

I love "Flawless" by The Ones. I got the CD single today and drove the office mental listening to it. It reminds me of myself, I am "Absolutely Flawless"

As you can see, I am in a great mood, it's been a great day, busy but productive and I loved it. I think the St Johns Wort is kicking in.

Later...

2001-10-17T08:01:00.000Z

I have been spoken to harshly all the way from Australia, Why aren’t you blogging? I was asked, I am sorry, it’s been hectic at work and at home and that’s no excuse for ignoring all of you.

Although not much of any interest has happened in my life.

This weekend was OK, Friday was spent at The Royal Vauxhall Tavern, a salubrious establishment, of if you are from Stockwell, posh. It was Jason’s third year as “master of the house”. All the die-hards were there, I should know, as I am the president of the die-hard club. It never took off for me and I somehow found my way to Sub-Station and Dirty Dishes, strangely enough, all the die-hards followed suit. I don’t like the music at Sub-Station on a Friday, it’s all crashing dustbin lids and jangling chains.

Saturday saw us at Hope, a quiet Hope this time but fabulous, the music was great, the group we were with was slightly different than usual, including an heiress and a fireman (phoarr).

Sunday and NO Vauxhall, we went to Adrian, Cliff and Rob’s for a slap up Sunday roast instead. Lovely.

I want to know what the white powder that isn’t Anthrax that everyone is posting around the world is? Does anyone know?

Later…

2001-10-03T10:12:00.000Z

I am at home with the worst dose of flu, it started over the weekend and I headed home from work on Monday afternoon, since then I have had a nasty sore throat, sores in my mouth, no energy and the rest. Now I don’t do sick very well, I want constant attention and hugs, in the past, in SA, I took up residence at my Mum’s because they always know best. So this has been my first grown up flu without Mum to fuss over me. I tried to get Wayne to fuss over me but it didn’t work, he doesn’t do people being ill to well so it would seem.

We are off to see Closer To Heaven again on Friday night. A group of six of us will then pop down to the Two Brewers where the best Friday music is played, give it a go. I think that I will be taking it pretty easy though, maybe a low alcohol sherry and a digestive biscuit out before I head for bed.

Its good to read that our friend the hedgehog seems to be settling in a lot better in Oz. I think we have to all arrive in Bondi on mass for the next sleaze ball.

Time to get some sleep

Later…

2001-09-29T15:07:00.000Z

It's Saturday and pissing down, and I am at work. Dull, I could be tucked up with a video and a nice cuppa. Still I am doing my bit for the economy. Moulin Rouge was fabulous....no FABULOUS!!!!!!!!!. I am booking for round two next week. You were all right.

The rest of this week has been quite quiet, didn't venture out last night but I will be going to Hope tonight, so I am sure to see some of you there.

Later...

2001-09-25T18:23:00.000Z

Hello, I am back. It’s been a bitch of a few weeks and I haven’t felt much like blogging at all.

Not much to report in fact, some good things and some nasty things have happened since I last spoke, the good things being a load of going out partying, highlights included having a good laugh at the expense of the leather boys at the opening of the “Dirty Dancing” dance floor at The Hoist. Oh dear, I somehow can’t see it ever being used for dancing, still the leather go go boys in cages were pure eye candy. On the nasty front, our neighbour was mugged at the front security door of the flat last night, Wayne was 10 seconds behind him and shouted to chase the attackers off, but not before they has succeeded to crack his head open on the doorframe. Seconds later and the victim would have been Wayne. And to think I came half way round the world to feel safer.

We are finally off to see Moulin Rouge tomorrow night, I am excited as anything after reading everyone’s reviews. I think I am the last poof in London to see it.

Later…

2001-09-18T16:41:00.000Z

This is the first thing I have read about whats going on in our crazy world that makes any sense at all
Food for thought...

Dear Gary and whoever else is on this email thread:
I've been hearing a lot of talk about "bombing Afghanistan back to the
Stone Age." Ronn Owens, on KGO Talk Radio today, allowed that this
would mean killing innocent people, people who had nothing to do with this
atrocity, but "we're at war, we have to accept collateral damage. What
else can we do?" Minutes later I heard some TV pundit discussing
whether we "have the belly to do what must be done."
And I thought about the issues being raised especially hard because I
am from Afghanistan, and even though I've lived here for 35 years I've
never lost track of what's going on there. So I want to tell anyone
who will listen how it all looks from where I'm standing.
I speak as one who hates the Taliban and Osama Bin Laden. There is no
doubt in my mind that these people were responsible for the atrocity
in New York. I agree that something must be done about those monsters.
But the Taliban and Ben Laden are not Afghanistan. They're not even
the government of Afghanistan. The Taliban are a cult of ignorant
psychotics who took over Afghanistan in 1997. Bin Laden is a political
criminal with a plan. When you think Taliban, think Nazis. When you
think Bin Laden, think Hitler. And when you think "the people of
Afghanistan" think "the Jews in the concentration camps." It's not
only that the Afghan people had nothing to do with this atrocity. They
were the first victims of the perpetrators. They would exult if
someone would come in there, take out the Taliban and clear out the rats
nest
of international thugs holed up in their country.
Some say, why don't the Afghans rise up and overthrow the Taliban? The
answer is, they're starved, exhausted, hurt, incapacitated, suffering.
A few years ago, the United Nations estimated that there are 500,000
disabled orphans in Afghanistan--a country with no economy, no food.
There are millions of widows. And the Taliban has been burying these
widows alive in mass graves. The soil is littered with land mines,
the farms were all destroyed by the Soviets. These are a few of the
reasons why the Afghan people have not overthrown the Taliban.
We come now to the question of bombing Afghanistan back to the Stone
Age. Trouble is, that's been done. The Soviets took care of it
already. Make the Afghans suffer? They're already suffering. Level their
houses? Done. Turn their schools into piles of rubble? Done. Eradicate
their
hospitals? Done. Destroy their infrastructure? Cut them off from
medicine and health care? Too late. Someone already did all that.
New bombs would only stir the rubble of earlier bombs. Would they at
least get the Taliban? Not likely. In today's Afghanistan, only the
Taliban eat, only they have the means to move around. They'd slip
away and hide. Maybe the bombs would get some of those disabled orphans,
they don't move too fast, they don't even have wheelchairs. But flying over
Kabul and dropping bombs wouldn't really be a strike against the
criminals who did this horrific thing. Actually it would only be
making common cause with the Taliban--by raping once again the people
they've
been raping all this time
So what else is there? What can be done, then? Let me now speak with
true fear and trembling. The only way to get Bin Laden is to go in
there
with ground troops. When people speak of "having the belly to do what
needs to be done" they're thinking in terms of having the belly to
kill as many as needed. Having the belly to overcome any moral qualms
about killing innocent people. Let's pull our heads out of the sand. What's
actually on the table is Americans dying. And not just because some
Americans would die fighting their way through Afghanistan to Bin
Laden's hideout. It's much bigger than that folks. Because to get any
troops to Afghanistan, we'd have to go through Pakistan. Would they
let us? Not likely. The conquest of Pakistan would have to be first. Will
other Muslim nations just stand by? You see where I'm going. We're
flirting with a world war between Islam and the West.
And guess what: that's Bin Laden's program. That's exactly what he
wants. That's why he did this. Read his speeches and statements. It's
all right there. He really believes Islam would beat the west. It
might seem ridiculous, but he figures if he can polarize the world into
Islam and the West, he's got a billion soldiers. If the west wreaks a
holocaust in those lands, that's a billion people with nothing left to
lose, that's even better from Bin Laden's point of view. He's
probably wrong, in the end the west would win, whatever that would mean, but
the war would last for years and millions would die, not just theirs but
ours. Who has the belly for that? Bin Laden does. Anyone else?

2001-09-12T16:49:00.000Z

Words can't express the horror that I feel at Tuesday's events. Wayne and I sat gobsmacked watching the footage, it looked like a Bruce Willis movie, not real life. My heart breaks for those poor people and their loved ones.

I feel the constant need to be with loved ones right now, I think after all the pain and suffering that has happened we all do.

I called Michael in NYC on and off for almost 12 hours, eventually getting through at 13h00 London time, strange, I have never met him although we have exchanged some wonderful e-mails, but from the time the news broke, I could not get him out of my mind. We have never spoken so it was strange to hear his voice, "a stranger that I know" if that makes sense, he sounded pretty sad, not surprising. When I hung up I burst into tears.

Later...

2001-09-12T12:55:00.000Z

I have just spoken to Michael in New York, he is fine. What a relief.

2001-09-11T16:26:00.000Z

Strange, do you remember "dancing with tears in my eye's" by Ultravox. It has been playing in my head all afternoon.

2001-09-11T15:56:00.000Z

The world is going mad, Michael, talk to us, are you OK

2001-09-10T17:00:00.000Z

The weekend started quite properly, a large crowd gathered at Karl’s for chilli and Ab Fab. Which was funnier than the last one, I was out of there at midnight and home to bed because I was working on Saturday.

After a day of dealing with Ab Fab clones, I was in the showroom this Saturday I headed home for a power nap and then headed up to “Love Muscle”. I was disappointed to be honest, and it was their birthday celebration. My highlight was trying to write my e-mail address on to a form on the way out, did you know that ketamine seriously impairs your eye hand co-ordination. I wont be expecting any mail from the lovely Yvette any time soon.

Feeling unfulfilled (as you do) we decided to start all over again (as you do) and headed off to Trade (as you do). I hate Trade usually but Adrian pointed out the fabulous laser light on the main dance floor and I spent about 5 hours trying to catch laser beams (as you do) I don’t know where I got the energy from???

By this stage it was lunchtime on Sunday, we staggered into the light and were set upon by what seemed like hundreds of taxi drivers. Wayne assured them unsteadily that they need not bother as his father was collecting us. This confused them all since he is almost 40 and when Rob & Cliff arrived to pick us up (such good friends), they looked 10 years younger than us.

Just time then for a quick whores bath and a new outfit and it was off to the RVT, Dame Edna is just a trannie that can’t hold her acid methinks, although it was very amusing at first, I spent most of the show outside getting some much needed air. We left early and I slept very well (wonder why)

I have come to the conclusion, I have a party animal problem and should seek help. Enough already. I need a break.

Highlights:

Ian in his SA rugby jersey, very fetching….
The remix of “Positive Role Model”
Wayne and Chris debuting on the central shelf to thunderous applause. So much cuter than the usual podium dancer (village idiot) with his too baggy jeans.

2001-09-05T10:18:00.000Z

Oh the joys of being mid 30’s, things start going wrong with your insides after just a bit to much partying.
I am at home trying to pass a kidney stone. Its annoying and sore and all I can say is thank God I never got into “watersports” to seriously because I would not be to popular right now.

Talking of “watersports”, I had a serious discussion with some mates this weekend about not having a fetish. Everybody seems to have one or the other, I have mates who have enormous hanky drawers, a colour for every day of the week and them some. It seems to be law that if you are a homosexual and over 30, sex should involve some kind of kink, well I have tried quite a few of them and must say none of them beat a cup of cocoa and the Eastenders omnibus. My mates are currently trying to match me to a fetish. What colour hanky is “boring old fart” I wonder?

London has started to get chilly, and all of a sudden, my heart is gripped with fear, this will be my third winter here!! The first one was a novelty, the second one lasted about 3 months to long for my liking, what will I feel about this one? Well let me tell you, after reading Swish Cottage this morning, I would rather have frost bite than be back in Johannesburg. My heart goes out to his ex, nasty thing to happen.

Whilst reading Scally’s blog, I saw he made reference to Madam and Eve, a cartoon strip that is very popular in SA. It has been made into a TV series which was quite enjoyable to watch, interesting thing is that Eve always comes up trumps, I remember during the dark years of apartheid, the cartoon strip was always a bit rebellious but never directly enough to be banned.

Later…

2001-09-03T13:18:00.000Z

Wayne’s homecoming weekend celebrations started with a cluster of happy boys watching ab fab and drinking tons of bolly at our place on Friday night. I loved the new series, it didn’t vary from the formula that worked in the past. We all had a good laugh. Then it was off to the Brewer’s, we have discovered a little gem of a Friday night, all Vauxhall music and most of the Vauxhall crowd too, not wanting to go home at 2am, we then headed down to Sub Station lead by Little Rob, It was a bad move on my part as I was working on Saturday. We rolled in at 05h30 with Rob in tow and collapsed. I got up for work leaving the boys asleep, by the time I had got home, they has just surfaced and we all went up to Nando’s for a bite to eat. Home and I hit the bed for the next few hours. We had planned to meet everyone at Crash and got there at midnight. It was a surprisingly good evening, I don’t normally like Crash that much.
On Sunday, Michael was having his pre-vauxhall summer garden lunch and we gingerly sat outdoors shielding our eyes and talking quietly to one another. After refueling, we headed up to the RVT where all the mates welcomed Wayne home in fine style.

2001-08-31T11:10:00.000Z

Sweetie Darling!!!

Its Ab Fab time again, and I can't wait. We are doing Bollie ,Smoked Salmon and nibbly bits tonight with the editors of every Vogue around. Why does this program bring out my camp side. As if it could be more braught out.

2001-08-31T08:25:00.000Z

Top Ten Things Heterosexuals Need to Know About Gay People:

10. We didn't invent disco music so stop blaming us.

9. We're not sure about Ricky Martin either.

8. We also didn't invent the color black, but we are in complete agreement
that you look better in it.

7. We are secretly glad Anne Heche is back on your team. She scares us.

6. Our so-called "radar" does not get us more cable stations or better
reception.

5. We think your mini-vans are sooo cute!

4. We dont actually have more money than you do, we just know how to spend
it better.

3. If he's using two or more hair products at any one time, yes, he is.

2. If she's won Wimbledon sixteen times, she is too.

And, the number one thing that heterosexuals need to know about gay people
is...

1. Relax, we don't want you!

2001-08-28T14:06:00.000Z

My baby has come home, he visited me on the way back from the airport and looks all glowing and healthy and although my life has been a fortnight of hedonistic pleasure (nothing different than usual then) I am so happy to have him back to hug in the middle of the night.

This weekend was great, I want to say that it was quiet but that would be a lie.

Friday Night: Adrian (my surrogate Wayne for the fortnight) and I headed into Soho for “A” Drink. Imagine my surprise when I found myself fighting through the Paul Okenfield (sp) crowd to get to the 2 Brewers on the way home. What an amazing night, after copious amounts of disco dancing with Darryl, Cute Rob, John and Danny. I found myself magnetically drawn to Sub-Station South. Adrian, who was suppose to be my conscience didn’t put up much fight. Disco dancing continued to the wee hours of the morning. The two Rob’s hit the cooking sherry a little to much and Cute Rob stayed over at mine as the trip to Hackney was too daunting. As I had to be at work in two hours, we had some more cooking sherry , listened to pop songs and talked about boys, I then showered and headed off to work, leaving him to sleep. (Lucky Boy).

Work was not very pleasant on Saturday. Mainly due to the fact that I couldn’t focus and spent the day in a cold sweat. After what seemed days, the day was over and I rushed home for a power nap. I woke up at 10pm and preened for the evening at “Love Muscle”.
Met Justin and his mates at the Kazbar and headed off to queue for tickets. I was a bit bored during the earlier part of the evening, partly because I was tired, but Adrian suggested we try dancing on the stage. Well, my life changed, the club went from a South London dive to a sea of fabulousness. I never want to dance anywhere else.

I stayed over at Cliff and Rob’s and was woken with tea. (civilized) . We just had time for a lovely fried breakfast and had to dress for the Vauxhall. Martin and Chris were there and we had a great time, Cliff and Rob headed home and I dragged Adrian off to the LA3 vrs Habit, It was lovely, except for the music, the venue and most of the people. Our group was great though, Martin and Chris had come long and we all had a good laugh.

Back at Cliff and Rob’s we woke the household up with much giggling as we ate 3 day old cold Lasagna

I slept like a log, and then Adrian gave me a lift home. I showered and dressed and headed up to the Vauxhall to meet Martin and Chris, Karl and Andy put in an appearance but didn’t stay long. Mark Andrews was the guest DJ and played a blinding set. I found that I was on the dance floor for 4 hours flat and staggered home exhausted.

My favorite part of the weekend, getting to know Cute Rob, Martin and Chris better. I think I have 3 new mates in London. And the Mark Andrew’s set on Monday at the Vauxhall which I found quite unbelievable.

I am paying for my sins dearly today, but hey, You only live once.

Later….

2001-08-24T08:15:00.000Z

"Bank Holiday Weekend"

I can't tell you how much I have been looking forward to it. But lesson learned from last weekend, I am not planning anything. So far, I am having a drink at Barcode tonight and thats it. We will see what happens from there. I am still trying to figure out if the LA3 is open on Sunday or if they are part of the Habit thing in Islington, can somebody shead some light on this for me.

Get fresh...for the weekend....

2001-08-24T07:54:00.000Z

With apologies to the lovely Michael, check this out.

2001-08-23T08:31:00.000Z

Had a great evening last night, on the way home I ran into an old mate and gym buddy (when I was a regular gym bunny). I hadn’t seen him for quite a while and we went for a few beers in Balham. When we started chatting at the gym, about 2 years ago now, both of us were going through a rough patch. I was struggling to adapt to England and he was having major relationship problems. We hit it off immediately and in true Capricorn/Cancer fashion never had a lighthearted conversation. I always tried to incorporate him into Wayne and My social world but it never quite worked out. To be honest, I think Wayne was quite jealous as I had never made a friend on my own since being with him. And of course, the fact that James is quite the hottie didn’t help. Anyway, I got me job in the computer industry and stopped going to the gym, and we didn’t see much of each other so it was great to catch up. He is off to live in Sydney for keeps, via Cape Town and Auckland in 10 weeks time and I am really sorry I didn’t make more of an effort while he was here now as I think he could have been a close friend. Still, at least I now know 2 people in Sydney and Dave, with your permission, I will give him you contact details, maybe you can meet for a beer when he arrives in about 6 months time. He is a good guy and worth knowing.

2001-08-22T13:42:00.000Z

On my lunch hour in the hopelessly overpriced South Kensington, I kept hearing this prayer being muttered...

Armani, Who lives in Emporio
Hallowed be Thy Gucci
Thy Cartier Watch,
Thy Prada Bag,
As it is on Rodeo.
Give us today our VisaGold.
As we forgive those who cancel Our Mastercard.
Lead us not into JC Penny,
And deliver us from Sears,
For thine is the Chanel, Gaultier and Versace
For Dolce & Gabbana,
AMEX

2001-08-22T09:34:00.000Z

Last Night:
It was an evening of fine wine, loads of great food and wonderful company. We discussed the bank holiday weekend and promised not to over do the old clubbing bit. Like that’s going to happen.

Today:
Funny atmosphere at work at the moment, I ripped into one of my colleagues a few weeks ago because she was constantly hacking away at me. Big mistake, she has been a sulky little bitch ever since and is trying to turn the office against me. Bad move on her behalf, because I don’t play games in he office for a start, and will not be outdone by a 20 something whippersnapper with a trust fund. I have just had a second go at her. The atmosphere here you could cut with a knife right now.

2001-08-21T12:09:00.000Z

This is the latest slide show of moments at the Vauxhall Most of you are featured. Also, truth of dare, how many people in this slide show have you shagged??

2001-08-21T12:03:00.000Z

I am feeling like rat shit today, and it's all self induced, so don't feel at all sorry for me. Lucky for me, my mates Cliff and Rob have invited me round for dinner tonight, something to look forward to. Cliff is a great cook and I am sure we will be having something spectacular. That should cheer me up.

Reading Ian's blog I too am reminded of the gentleman who had the ferret stuffed down the front of his pants on Sunday. DISGUSTING!!

Wayne has sms'ed me asking what he should bring back from South Africa, so I have e-mailed a very long list of things. He is going to wish he never opened his mouth now.

Later...

2001-08-20T09:58:00.000Z

Thanks to all for the positive comments about the new shorter hair doo....

Nothing like having the old ego stroked a bit.

2001-08-20T09:56:00.000Z

The weekend that was…

The Heartbreaker, The Home Wrecker and The Failed Dealer.

I rushed home on Saturday, very excited about the prospect of two parties and the second outing to Final Destination. I had been looking forward to the parties all week and this should have been a sign. I had also decided to supplement my income with a bit of low risk dealing and has lots of naughty stuff on me for resale. Matthew and Richard’s bash was great and I got to chat with Trevor and Steve, what sweet guy’s. Adrian collected me at about 9pm and after a few stiff vodkas for the soul we jumped into a cab heading for Bethnal Green. There were four of us in the posse’, Myself, alone because Wayne is away, Adrian , sort of married, but Richard was ill in bed (I think they had a bit of a tiff), Cliff, married but Rob his B/F was not at all well and Steve, married but Martin was working, we were going to have a real lads night out and had planned to tell everyone that our partners were at a passive party discussing bottom things.

Adrian was in a mood because Richard didn’t want him to go out. The taxi man had the heater on and the radio on “radio crappo”, oh! and the windows didn’t open. Needless to say it was hot as hell and everyone got very tense and just a bit snappy.

We arrived at the party and it was great to see Chris and Martin, they have a lovely place. Adrian discovered half an hour after we arrived that he had left his mobile in the taxi, so we phoned it a lot and finally the driver answered it. £20.00 later and an hour of waiting and the phone was returned.

Just as I was enjoying the party, the posse’ of merry men decided it was time to move on, we left the party and headed for Crash, he party died soon afterward after the host threw a mood because half of us left, not surprising as we are the life and soul of any occasion.

Now I hate Crash, but was happy as I would be able to move all the class A I had tucked away in my Calvin’s. After two awful hours I had made £5.00 profit on one item and we were off to Final Destination with me licking my wounds because I had failed at being a dealer.

We arrived early and had some sweet hot tea and attempted to eat at the drive through Mac Donald’s. At which stage the bag containing my appro stock split, and the four of us scrambled around trying to find 40 pills in the dark.

Final Destination was wonderful, or it would have been if anyone was there. The music was pumping and the guys have the whole mix perfect. I was very sad that nobody had made the effort to go, still about fourteen on us boogied for about two hours before piling into Trevor and Steve’s, not very big car, heading for Trade.

We arrived very up for more of a party, but Cliff was very unhappy about going into Trade, so after a half hour discussion, we headed back to Brixton to look after Rob, who was at home ill. Or so we thought, on arrival, we discovered an empty house. Rob had decided to take himself off as he was not in the mood for four boisterous boys leaping around being silly. We thought he was really angry and things got blown out of all proportion. It was not a great evening.

I snoozed for a few hours and then headed off to the Vauxhall, Edna was great and I had a little weep when she sang the Dusty Springfield song because I was missing Wayne a bit.

Now you can’t fault the Vauxhall, nothing ever goes wrong and nobody ever gets cross and I danced the night away, with all my friends, happy as a sand boy.

The lesson…
Never get over-excited about the weekend’s activities because you are bound to be disappointed

2001-08-18T09:04:00.000Z

Had a hair cut on the way to work and he wasn't the usual bloke. He fucked it up and I shaved it all off. I am now number one all over and hope I look "well Ard!!!". My first impression is ears with a head and a pork pie face. If you see me out this weekend, please offer honest comments.

Later...

2001-08-18T09:01:00.000Z

"Planet Of The Apes"

Annoyingly I don't remember the origional that well, we arrived at the Ritzy, famed for its HUGE seats. Unusual for London, and found ourselves in a row of South London lads that usually haunt the same places we do. Much air kissing and hetrosexual taunting later we settled down to watch the movie. Overall impression is that I enjoyed, but didn't love it. The middle slumped for about 15 minutes and the ending was stupid. I am sure that the origional didn't end that way. Marky Mark was superb eye candy and again, quite good with that acting thing he does too. Ms Bonham Carter needs tons of praise, she was fabulous and I will be very surpiised if she doesn't get a nomination or two for her efforts. The storyline, although a classically clever commentry about oppression and bigotry, has not aged very well. I felt uncomfortable for the first time in ages about my South African roots when the Apes made comments about the humans like "They all look the same", "They breed like flies" and "Sterilise the lot of them". I heard these exact phrases used on countless occasions in my youth about black South Africans and it braught tears to my eyes. People who think like this exist and always will and that is something that scares me.

I am inspired to revisit the origional soon.

2001-08-18T08:49:00.000Z

And More...

When was the last time you...
Talked to an ex: March this year.
Kissed someone: Airport on Monday 13th
Were sarcastic: Dunno how to be
Laughed: Last Night
Cried: Last Night
Had a nightmare: Usually every Tuesday after a Sunday at the RVT
Danced: RVT on Sunday 12th
Smiled: All the time
Bought something? Haircut this morning

2001-08-17T13:47:00.000Z

Here goes...

I have: Tons of drive and a lazy streak.
I see: Things beautiful and ignore the rest.
I hate: Bigots
I miss: My Parents
I wonder: When will I..will I be famous......
I find: I can thrive on my own when the B/F is away...and enjoy it.
I want: A horny skinhead scaffolder with filthy intentions
I regret: Nothing
I need: A Bank Balance
I wish: I could see the world 200 years from now.
I fear: Rejection
I hear: Sonique, CD playing right now.
I love: My friends
I smell: Like work because I am at work
I crave: Sucess
I feel: The need for a wild weekend.

2001-08-17T07:39:00.000Z

Thanks Guy for this very funny start to Friday...

I love the last one about the aunts.

> SMART/DUMB
>
> Smart man + smart woman = romance
> Smart man + dumb woman = affair
> Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
> Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
>
> OFFICE ARITHMETIC
>
> Smart boss + smart employee = profit
> Smart boss + dumb employee = production
> Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
> Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
>
> SHOPPING MATH
>
> A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
> A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
>
> GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
>
> A woman worries about the future until she gets husband.
> A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
> A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
> A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>
> HAPPINESS
>
> To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a
> little.
> To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
> understand
> her at all.
>
> LONGEVITY
>
> Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more
> willing to die.
>
> MEMORY
>
> Any married man should forget his mistakes; there's no use in two people
> remembering the same thing.
>
> APPEARANCE
>
> Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
> Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
>
> PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
>
> A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
> A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
>
> DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
>
> A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that
> is
> the beginning of a new argument.
>
> COMPREHENSION
>
> There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage
>
> and after marriage.
>
> HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
>
> Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
> cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing
> the
> same thing to them at funerals

2001-08-16T19:13:00.000Z

I have looked at my last entry, lesson, no blogging when tipsy.

A busy day again today, I was back at the photoshoot, got all the furniture picked up and thenbheaded off to the office to start catching up with my pile of work. I am going to have to do Saturday to get up to date. Still we get £110 for a Saturday so I can live with that.

I am off to see "The Planet Of The Apes" tomorrow after dinner with Cliff and Rob. Looking forward to it and I will do a blog review.

Great flower things between Ian's entries by the way, I have to learn how to make my site look a bit more interesting.

Later...

2001-08-15T23:43:00.000Z

OK I am "pissed from a bloody Gay Bar" my mate Andy returned from the America, s and we all met him for a quiet sherry at the 2 Sewers in Clapham. Oh my head.

Photo shoots. Hard work, no coffee and clipboards, no Hugs and Darlings, and I am back at 07h30 tomorrow. Oh No!!!!!!!!!

Best I get to bed.

Nite All xx

2001-08-14T19:57:00.000Z

They are breaking rats necks on television, I am sorry, Guy Stock, do something about the BBC. For God's sake.

2001-08-14T19:50:00.000Z

OK, the heat is back!! This town is confusing the hell out of me. A boy never knows what to wear.

Work today was great, besides the fact that I overslept, all thanks to Wayne not being there to boot me out of bed. Mental note, learn how to wake up.

I spent the day selecting items for the photoshoot for our new brochure tomorrow. And tomorrow, I co-ordinate the photo shoot. This is just so much more what I like doing. I am going to get take away coffee and a clipboard, rush around looking bossy and hug everyone and call them darling.

Speaking of Wayne, he has arrived safe and sound in freezing Johannesburg. SHAME!!!

I have decided to make the most of his absence and tonight, made myself a lovely salad using all the things he usually hates. Then time to clean up the flat and play on the internet for a while. I must tell you, I woke up in the middle of the night last night and almost jumped out of my skin because a blow up sheep was looking at me, I have now deflated it, I don't miss him that much.

I must tell you, I am a bit concerned about young Dave. you seem to be having a rough time mate. I hope that it all gets a bit smoother for you soon. You are always in my thoughts.

And what is this about Mr Swish Cottage having a boyfriend. What is happening to the world?

I read with interest about London during the blitz, thanks Ian. After a recent visit to the fridge, my mate Michael and I have renamed darkrooms "Sexual Recreation Areas." I think it makes mentioning that you have popped into them to "fill up your water bottle" a lot more acceptable.

Anyway, time to do domestic things, I hope to read about a great pop quiz success tomorrow. I almost popped in to watch tonight, may do next week.

Later..

2001-08-13T22:07:00.000Z

People have often commented that they find the South African accent very horny. Inspiring me to do my very best not to loose it. What accents do you find sexy?. I have a serious thing about the Australian accent, also the Scottish and the London Lad accent. To me, Muscley Rob from Putney (regular RVT goers will know who I mean) has to have the hottest of them all. Everytime I pass him I say good bye to him, just so he will reply "See ya lata" Phooarrrrrr!!!

2001-08-13T21:58:00.000Z

Hello All,

I have deposited Wayne at the airport and he is winging his way to the old country as we speak. I was quite excited about having 2 weeks on my own in the big city, who knows what a boy could get up to???, but I am actually feeling very sad and lonely, the flat is so quiet, oh! and messy, he isn't a very neat packer. I have come to the conclusion that we are one of those pathetic couples that need to be around each other.

The weekend was wonderful, We went round to Cliff and Rob's place for dinner and to stay over as we were travelling to Brighton Pride the next day. But the party mood overcame us and we headed off to sub station for a bit of pre- pride partying. After a stunning breakfast, we all hopped into Adrian's car and with almighty mixes thumping, spead off to Brighton. The music had got us into the mood and we soon joined everyone in the Vauxhall corner of the Wild Fruit tent. We stayed there until about 8pm and then headed back for London whilst chilling to Randy Crawford in the car. Lovely.

Just enough time to shower and don the second stunning outfit of the day. Then off to Hope for some disco dancing. Andy's set was blinding, but poor Sean Sirrs was not on form at all. He delivered one of the most depressing sets I have heard for a long time. My work mate and sort of boss, Justin turned up looking very rough (if you know what I mean) and spent the night trying to get off with Wayne and finished the K (Mmmmmmm) I am either fired or promoted. Young Rob (You know who I mean Hedgehog) arrived sporting a lovely little scar on his head. He was bumped (no pun) over by a car as he left the Vauxhall the Sunday before. He tells me that the car looked a lot worse. A rather strange thing happened when they were playing "Its Raining Men" A lovely bare breasted woman fell from the sky on to the dancefloor, missing me by inches. She had misjudged a pirouette whilst dancing on the stage and had become airbourne. I was scared.

Then it was off to Final Destination, Dave Harris's new club. The first time I have ever been on a guest list, so I minced up to the pig ugly muscle bound bouncer and barked "guest list" in my best Edina Monsoon voice.I liked the club. The lighting was a bit harsh and the barman wore a tie and called us all lads. His face was a picture of horror when the Fist crowd arrived. As it had been a long day, we were being a bit silly and the second DJ was a chinese guy who used a telephone reciever to hear his mixing. I casually commented that he may be running a take away on the side, which got a laugh, then we were all convinced that the word EggRoll was being repeated over and over in a song, by which time we were all rolling on the floor weeping witrh laughter (you had to be there). We left soon afterwards (before we were chucked out). I think it is worth a second visit.

We slept until 3pm and then promised that we would not be going to the Vauxhall. So it was lovely to see everybody there. I was weak AGAIN!!! The first set, that I fondly call the Uncle Hedgehog session was great. Sean came on and I relaxed outside for a while chatting to Darryl, Dave, Little Rob and many others. Joined the crowd for the last hour of dancing and cabbed home because the tube would have finished me off.

I had today off to get Wayne packed and sorted. Wise move.

Next weekend is a weekend of house parties. Matthew and Richard are having a little shinding in the afternoon and early evening, then off to Chris and Martin's for a late night dance type party. I will report on both.

I am off to bed with the teddy bear we got at MardiGras (called Finsbury) and a strange blow up sheep we got at Brighton Pride, no comments please(called Brighton) and without my big teddy bear who is watching some awful airline movie as we speak.

Sniff!!!

2001-08-06T12:52:00.000Z

With fanfare and drum roll (at least that’s what I was hearing), another weekend is over. Starting on Friday with my first company doo. What a pleasant evening we all had, the nature of any company gathering is that the nerdy bunch huddle in a corner nursing a low alcohol shandy, while the wild bunch dance on the tables, drink far to much and dish out charlie in the loo. I fell into the second category and a fine time was had. Wayne came along and instantly (and predictably) all the girls and half the boys fell in love with him. I keep telling everyone that it is all about me, they never learn. It all got out of hand and we drank too much.

I worked on Saturday, Wayne joined me for lunch and in the evening we relaxed and preened for our trip to the Fridge. The occasion, Love Muscle, which was well worth the effort. Partied with all the boys and ended up “chilling” at Cliff and Rob’s place. After very little sleep we rushed up to the Vauxhall to lay on the sun on the grassy knoll and drink beer. And we did, with great gusto. It all got a bit messy and I was pleased to get home to bed.

Today I have a headache.

Later…

2001-08-03T13:51:00.000Z

I score 4 on the straight acting thing of Michaels

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2001-08-03T13:43:00.000Z

I am back, yes, one month and I have been granted internet rights. I WILL RULE!!!!!

How the hell are all of ya!! My blog friends have been globe trotting, moving to Bondi (lucky Hedgehog) and all sorts of other things.

I have not had such a wild life, "being a good christian boy and all??" and have been working and sleeping and eating. Subsistance stuff. I am starting to wake up to the fact that I am dull and boring and I have to start doing fabulous fun things. I can't carry on telling you all about Sunday at the Vauxhall!!

So tonight, I am going out with the work bunch, it's a farewell doo, and I am taking Wayne along as the ultimate accessory. Beats Prada any day. I will give you a report on how it goes.

Later Rob xx

2001-07-19T18:10:00.000Z

I have been a boring little blogger recently, sorry to you all. I have no internet access at the office. Aggghhhh...

An update, I didn't get the job I interviewed for, so of course I now want it more. Typical!!

Work is going well and I am preparing a document that will revolutionise the way they work. I hope it goes down well when I present it.

The weekend was a Hope weekend. Party party party again.

Oh and the police took up residence in our front room for 5 days staking out the block opposite us. They used up my tea bags and were not cute at all. But it was something that we can use at dinner parties for years to come.

Besides that I am having a boring life right now. Cant wait for pay day and my life to resume.

Miss you all every day, its funny how reading the blogs on a daily basis becomes part of your life.

Later...

2001-07-19T17:54:00.000Z

I didn't like the personality test...

Here are the results

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Moderate
Histrionic: Moderate
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

Oh dear...

2001-07-12T18:11:00.000Z

For Scally, Madge on her bale of hay.

2001-07-12T18:09:00.000Z

Some pride photo's for you

2001-07-12T18:04:00.000Z

My interview went well, I don't need the job but it would be nice to get, if you know what I mean. So we will see...

The rest of my day was spent at our warehouse, learning how the systems worked. This involved lugging boxes around with all the lovely straight warehouse lads, Mmmmmmmmm... I could get used to that. Then off to the local caf for a very fatty lunch with said lads. And then more work. They talk about ladies privates very often and are always scratching themselves 'THERE'. I am aching all over now as manual labour was never my strong point in South Africa but have hours of wank material.

Message to Hedgehog, chin up mate, I went through something similar, all the excitement of moving country, and then, life is just the same. I think you have more oomph!! in your little finger than most people have in their whole bodies. Its not easy being exceptional and you are. So 'keep passing open windows' you will be fine. Whenever you feel blue, think of all of us, because we will probably be thinking of you and you will get all cosmically charged or something.

Anyway, The missus is home soon so I am going to start the tea (how english!)

Later...

2001-07-11T17:32:00.000Z

ho hum!!! it's Wednesday,so I feel my life has no reason...

Note to self. Got to stop the minkering.

I am off to an interview tomorrow. But he has a job I hear you all cry. I know, but it doesn't stop me trying other things. This is a field sales position and who knows?? We will see what they say.

Work is going well and I have sussed the scene and the people pretty well. Nothing to taxing and loads of room to grow, so I will keep my nose clean. If you are ever in Kensington, our showroom is worth a visit. 200 Walton Street (goodnight Jon-Boy), It has budda's that open thier eyes via laser technology, video screens in the floor, a jet fighter coming through the wall and some of the best furnishings in London in my opinion. Its worth a visit.

I am having a pretty shitty week otherwise, I need to do something exciting that doesn't involve the Vauxhall Tavern, or indeed the scene, I don't reaslise how sucked in I get until its all I do. Not that I will ever become one of those, 'I dont do the scene' painful queens. But I need some balance.

OH! all Big Brother followers, vote Josh out for God sake. I have never come across a more annoying person.

My Wednesday rant is over, glad everybody enjoyed their holidays

Later...

2001-07-09T06:57:00.000Z

After promising to have a quiet weekend, we didn't...

Yes! The Vauxhall call was too strong, and what a great night, it was not full at all, Jason has finally installed huge cooling fans, and the boys played older music. We had a little sniff when they played 'Your Disco' (coz of Hedggie) and then got a bit minkered. (whoops). Spent the evening with Paul, Darryl and all the David's.

This morning, I am mopping the sweat from my brow, and I know that the tube ride in is going to be hell. Still, you only live once.

Have a great week everyone.

2001-07-06T23:03:00.000Z

Well we arrived in Earl’s Court at 18h30, it was packed with drunk, overweight girls in Stetsons and polyester, tons of body glitter, all they needed was ‘SLAPPER’ written on their tops in sequins.

I was surprised at how easily we got into the place and we were seated at 20h15, great seats, great view, and the best was the smoke machines were already setting the scene on stage, the lights went out, the next thing, the most amazing bank of video screens lit up and the band appeared from the floor of the stage, the video rig started lifting and there she was, on a hydraulic ramp. I must say, it all got a bit blurry for a while because I had tears in my eyes.

My favourite scene, I say scene because I saw it more as a series of acts than a concert was the oriental scene, starting with the dancers bound from ropes hanging from the ceiling, and ending with a ‘Crouching Tiger’ style fight scene with Madge and dancers in suspension rigs.

Wayne put it in to words well saying, she starts her show at a level where others end theirs. Her first song would be someone else’s finale.

I loved the Madonna concert.

2001-07-05T06:44:00.000Z

Oh God!!, are any of you having strange dreams this week, mine have ranged from awful on Sunday and Monday to quite strange last night, when Dolly Parton and I travelled through America 'Thelma & Louise' style. But the whole country spoke Afrikaans, and Wayne was pumping the gas at all the gas stations?????????????????

Aggggghhhhhhhhhhhh............. No more minkering for a while.

2001-07-05T06:34:00.000Z

The barbi last night was great, loads of food, Don explained to us what independance day was all about, "the planet beat the alian invasion",

Andy's camp alter ego Nigella Lawson surfaced and outdid itself.

Ute Lemper and the state of London theatre were dicsected, lead by Karl. I said I think we need more trashy shows that don't tax us. Everyone was horrified. Michael admitted again that he hated The Sound Of Music, more horror. Wayne joined in the line dancing lesson ( American cerlebration after all) and then fell asleep, no surprise there.

and we strolled home in the heat at 00h30 this morning.

Thats all I have to report I am afraid...

2001-07-04T06:28:00.000Z

Hi Blog Mates

I have a health and safety warning, if you want to go and see 'Naughty Baby' by Ute Lemper....DONT!!!!

It is crap, she is so far up her own arse that the Savoy reeked of shit, 10 of us crowded into the theatre, very excited but stalked off at interval to drown our sorrows at a local tavern.

I hope I am not being to harsh.

Still, for the rest of the week I have

4th July Barbi - Tonight
Dinner Richard and Barry - Thursday
MADONNA - Friday

Oh!! I am having the worst comedown, burst into tears on the tube last night (silly cow)

2001-07-02T17:46:00.000Z

Wow! what a weekend...

On Friday, we went to see 'Closer To Heaven', it was a bit scrappy in places and I don't see any Tony awards in its future, but it was fun and just the thing to get us into the spirit of Mardi Gras.

Saturday, we met for brekkie at Henry's bar on the route and laughed at the very confused looking staff. The parade came by, and it rained. Then off to the park where we partied with thousands of very happy looking poofs until 10pm. We then headed off to the Fridge, what an amazing night. I have never actually had such a great night clubbing. Funniest was going to MacDonalds in Brixton for breakfast after, it was full of drug fucked queens trying to eat MacMuffins, not very sucessfully I might add.

On Sunday, I went up to the Vauxhall alone as Wayne had tons of work to do, It was so hot that I doidn't even watch the show, danced to one song and spent the rest of the time outdoors on the knoll. I left at 21h30 like a good boy so that I could be fresh for work.

Work was good, the people are nice, the job is easy, and I recon that I will got quite far quite easily.

Later...

2001-06-29T16:12:00.000Z

The Mardi Gras fairy has waived his magic wand over me and given me a new job. I start at Andrew Martin, a largish design company on Monday.
So you will not be seeing me at the Vauxhall this Sunday. But you will be seeing me at Mardi Gras, We are having breakfast somewhere fabulous, then watching the parade go by, tubing to the park and playing the day away. Hope to see you all.

I am off to see Closer To Heaven tonight with Michael, Sam, Tighe, Graeme, Andrew and Leonardo. I will tell you what I think about it when I get a chance.

Have a great Mardi Gras weekend everyone

2001-06-29T12:07:00.000Z

Well, it was a design company, but without all the Anushka's and Sarra's (note the spelling, not a mistake) running around with hermes scarves and trust funds. They need someone to run the trade furniture department. I was told by the financial guy that I was over qualified (the pig) and was told by the woman doing the hiring that she needed me yesterday (she was lovely). So who will win...

Me hopefully in the long run.

Money is fair but loads of scope for growth and tons of industry knowledge. And it is a company I have always respected, I used to deal with them in SA.

Still holding thumbs

2001-06-28T15:04:00.000Z

Right....

Hairs cut
Suit and shirt pressed
Long soak and much preening (just to feel good about myself)
Re-read the life story of my 15 years in the decor industry
OH! and discovered how to make latte (better than Coffee Republic), so I don't catch on as quickly as other homos, so had about 4 so far

Must remember....

Speak slowly (I forget about the Serf Efricen Accent sometimes)
Be as confident as I can
Flatter everyone and then some
MAKE THEM WANT ME!!

Watch this space for the outcome of tomorrow...

2001-06-28T10:06:00.000Z

OK, positive energy time please, I need you all to focus it in my general direction tomorrow at 10am ( I am afraid you will have to get up in the middle of the night Michael) coz I just landed an interview with the company I would kill to work for.

2001-06-28T07:09:00.000Z

I have had two bites from all th cv's I have sent out. It's starting to work, I can feel it. The one is from a company I would kill to work for. So fingers crossed again coz ever since my karma ran over my dogma I have been a bit unlucky.